My yearly holiday anxiety and depression showed up in full force today. It's late this year because ltc has been so joyful about Christmas, but it's here.

That's interesting, Laura. I've seen depression/gut studies, but not bi-polar before.

Sorry to hear that, sj. Do you have the lack of light depression? Or straight up time of year? (I can identify with the latter, not so much the former, given SoCal). Whichever, I hope you find a strategy that works for you to find your way through and past it. (And hey, you've got a friend in San Diego you can visit if it's the light thing). *Hugs*

I'm sorry, sj. The pictures that you have posted of joyful ltc have brought many smiles to my face.

There have been a few pangs of empty nest feelings with the kids not living here this year, but them not living here the rest of the year balances that! Just kidding as in I generally like having them around and miss them more than I expected. Good to report that having so many of Mom's things around has helped with missing her quite a lot. Unpacking and putting out her Christmas treasures has brought only good feelings. She lived well until she was 95 and although I will always miss her I feel she was ready to rest.

Of course I am not complete with my preparations at all, but I'll just do what I can. I'll be late with my Buffista gift only because I have the parts but need to do some assembly. Also really need to make my list for Christmas dinner ingredients.

Epic, it's both. I just don't have the energy to do everything that needs to get done, and I get so overwhelmed every year.

I was there on Tuesday, sj, especially after trying to very special Christmas Math, which did not work as well as I wanted.

::hugs:: Maybe just try to enjoy the things you like to do, and let the rest slide?

I have everything bought, but I have to wrap it all and my hands hurt. It May all end up in gift bags this year. And I bought a gingerbread house kit for ltc. My house is a disaster, but we're not hosting any of the festivities so I don't care.

I'm supposed to go to a book signing tonight. I can't decide if that will make me feel better or worse.

That's what gift bags are for, sj. My hands don't hurt, and I used to wrap gifts professionally, and most of mine will still be in bags. And like you said, you're not hosting, so the house can wait. Do what you MUST do before Tuesday, and give yourself permission to slide on whatever can wait. Try not to beat yourself up, K?

Yeah, as I looked at the mess in my house I am torn between gratitude that I am not hosting anything and regret that I don't have that hanging over me to make me do something about said mess.

I used to wrap professionally too. So a certain effort is expected. My inlaws are here, and I'm going to bed. I'm trying not to cry so they won't hear me.

That is entirely what gift bags are for. My mother wraps presents beautifully, and I absorbed nothing of it. I mean, I can enclose a rectangle-ish shape in wrapping paper and tape, but it won't necessarily be pretty. Or symmetrical. But ribbons and stuff? No way. Even with gift bags I feel like my tissue isn't artistic enough.