Just found out that one of my part time employees directly knew at least one of the victims.

I'm so sorry, ND. ~ma to your employee.

I'm sick. Chills, slight fever, hacking cough, and a runny nose. I had lots of fun plans for this weekend (Mom's Birthday and my anniversary) and I think I'm going to have to cancel everything.

Well, that was a day. After a huge mess of a day yesterday (broken wheelchair, couldn't get cough meds filled), I was exhausted this morning, but I made it to my morning classes. Was sort of awake through them. (Luckily, I didn't have to lecture today -- the plan for today was mostly having them work on practice problems anyway.) Then I got a call from my doctor, that my blood test results from yesterday were really concerning, and that I could have pneumonia or some other infection, and she wanted me to go to the ER immediately to get some more blood work and a chest x-ray. So, I found someone to cover my afternoon class, then went to the ER. Got all the tests done, and I don't have pneumonia, or another infection, and I'm now back at, "Yeah, your body's being weird, but we don't think there's anything to be seriously concerned about? Here, try another cough medicine, and call us next week."

Also, my sister was flying in today to visit me anyway, so now she's here, and we're both exhausted (since I've been getting no sleep because cough, and she's been flying all over the country for work), so our visit this weekend might end up being mostly napping.

I'm sorry that you are going through this Hil. I hope that you can get some rest and your body will stop being so weird and heal.

Thanks. My sister and I had a low-key day -- slept late, went out to brunch, binge-watched Riverdale a bit, then I took a nap, then we went out to dinner at a Cajun place I just found that has a ton of vegan options. They even had a vegan cheesecake for dessert. I'm still coughing, but not as much as before, and my ribcage still hurts whenever I cough or breathe too deeply, but I'm feeling a bit better. No class on Monday because of Veterans Day, and I don't teach on Tuesdays anyway, so I can get a little more rest, too.

That sounds like a decent weekend. I hope the rest does you a world of good.

I celebrated Matthew's birthday. We got Indian and cheesecake and walked around downtown and I got mom a Christmas present. Today we went to his brother's.

After my weird anxiety attack on Monday I realized I'm frustrated with the managers at work, one issue has gone back since this past Feb. I bored because it is always going to be the same. And I hate living 2 places.

I like living with Mom and I like some of where we live but I miss Matthew and I hate going back and forth. Matthew could come up but he lives alone so it makes more sense for me to do the driving.

I made the decision to talk to work about a transfer. There are three stores within about half hour of here and then move in with Matthew based on the tranfer.

And it's freaking me out because it's change and I want to make sure I am making the right decision but I know there is no guarantee. I wish i could talk to someone but this. Not my therapist or my mom but a friend but I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone.

And I've never lived with a boyfriend before, not really, and it is just a lot of unknown.

I'm not going to say that living with someone is easy, because it has its own issues. BUT I am a big fan of having a full time mate. The good times are better when shared and the tough times are easier when shared. Obviously I don't know all the details about you and Matthew, but mostly it is deciding to make it work. You will have things you don't agree on, but if you can agree on how to handle those things you got it made.

And sorry, you never can be sure you are making a right decision, you can only be sure you are going to do your best to make it work.

Also, hugs.

What Laura said, askye.

This long separation has made me appreciate DH and not just what he does when we're together, but the simple fact that we *are* together. Together is better, and again, as Laura says, it takes work. Sometimes I can't stand being around DH, I just want some alone time. But since I've had a lot of alone time, I'm really looking forward to spending time sharing space, being spontaneous with jokes or thoughts or mini-rants, without having to save them up for a phone call or email.

I don't like the word work when it comes to relationships. or compromise, As long as you have a common goal, of wanting to be together There are times when I want to be alone, partly ( or maybe mostly ) because I take responsibility for how things are with others around me. Balancing ever y part of me , with another person - is tricky. But, we do well together. and for someone that does not get lonely, i miss him when he isn't around. I want him to be as whole happy and healthy as he can be - I know he feels the same. and even when he is driving me up the wall, I feel that way. our needs as a couple are important, but only because our needs as individuals are important.

I ended up talking to him about some of this. Actually I got really sad and started crying and he held me and stroked my hair and told me it was ok if I was sad (I hadn't really told him) and if I couldn't say everything my feelings were what I felt and it was ok.

And then I talked some and he told me I take on too much worry and that we had been over some of this.

He has made so many little changes to accommodate me and I am worried he will get tired of it. I am trying to think of some ways that we those things can be changed again but more to accommodate us both.