Insurance sucks I found out I can't mail in a prescription for a controlled substance so that is good. But I finally read all the fine print on the coupon and it only takes off $30. So my medicine will be like $240. Since I make $9 an hour that is basically a week's pay after taxes and insurance etc.

Well until my deductible kicks in and I don't know if I'll make it by the end of the year and then it will start over again.

If I thought I had a chance in hell of getting money I might try Go Fund Me. Because I really don't want to ask for my parents help on this. But

I hate our current health care in this country. And I'm not at work and I'm supposed to because I am crying and not fit for people. I told them I'd be there in an hour and I have to go in because I need the money and I was supposed to work 10 -7, almost open to close because we are short handed.

I need a better paying job. The only better paying jobs that aren't in the medical field around here are fast food (literally Burger King pays more) and I don't think they hire full time and I couldn't handle that.

If I moved in with Matthew I would have more options but I can't do that right now because it would be too much change and possibly set me back.

I feel like I can never get ahead and any progress I make is just eroded away.

I'm sorry, askye. Have you asked your doctor about any assistance programs for your meds, or if another option would be less expensive? Insurance companies are evil.

I hope you are able to get into work. If nothing else being busy can be distracting.

askye I'm sorry you are going through this. I have to say I'm really proud of how far you have come and knowing yourself well enough that moving in with Matthew might hurt more than help.

You may not have the spoons for this but if Vyvanse is the drug that helps you the most there may be some workarounds. Often times the companies themselves are willing to help out (besides the coupons) if you contact them directly. Also your Psych/med manager may be able to request samples if they are willing to do that.

Insurance is the devil.

Oh, man, askye, that's so much money. I'm sorry. It is ridiculous that you have to make these sorts of calculations.

Charmed reboot: I am into the new version. The trailer or whatever you call it for a tv show looks pretty good and it's the creator of Jane the Virgin so I have high hopes. For some reason Google decided I needed to be alerted whenever Holly whatsername said something new against it but that just kinda makes me like her less.

I'd seen some promos for the new Charmed, but I wasn't really interested. Maybe I'll take a look ....

Insurance is so ridiculous. But I am somewhat ashamed to say that after all the fuss I made about them forcing me to change my medication, the new one is actually working even better, I think!!

I tried calling the company but if you pick the number for assistance it tells you that is an invalid selection.

My doctors office may be able to help. Not this month but maybe from now on. I don't have the spoons to deal with it.

Work only semi sucks right now. But something happened and the battery is nearly drained. And I made the mistake of going into McDonald's and it seems like someone ordered 20 or more meals because they keep putting food in bags and it isn't mine.

Blah. I've been on a liquid fast all day, because of the tests that I'm having done tomorrow to try to see if they can figure out why I'm anemic, and I'm so hungry. And Facebook and Twitter both keep giving me ads for pizza.

I have apple juice. Apple juice is not pizza.

My therapist is always after me to celebrate victories and actually acknowledge victories and progress instead of brushing it off. Which is hard because I always feel like I should do better than I am.

But in everything that has happened today not once did I have one of the scary self harm images pop into my head. I have these pictures or little movies that just pop in my head at times of stress. I don't want to act on them but it's just there all the time, almost taunting me. And it becomes another layer of stress , trying to deal with them. It's like my brain takes in all the panic and fear and goes "hold my beer"...

Today that did not happen.

I'm also not looking forward to work (I should be asleep, instead of I'm continuing my de stressing before bed). Tomorrow will be kind of a grind but after work I'll go to Matthew's,. I have Sunday off and was thinking about going down there again but I'm going to stay home and kind of cocoon myself and prep for the week.

Today that did not happen.

Yes, recognize and celebrate. Spend some time reflecting on your progress. It is real and you should be proud.