Yes, you did deserve better parents. Since that isn't one of the options you have to nurture yourself now. And you and your brother can nurture and support each other. Better late than never!

my brother and I deserved better parents. God damn it.

It is just SO UNFAIR.

I wish it were easier to see our parents as they were, rather than as we wished they were.

I'm so sorry, Teppy and Tom. My parents were too young and fucked up a lot, but it was from inexperience, not for lack of love or trying. These days, I'm feeling really betrayed and unloved by my dad and his 45-loving self, though.

So I just found out my brother , his girlfriend, and E are moving to Virginia in a month or so. Evander doesn't know. Mom is devastated . They will be 7 hours from here and 12 hours from my dad.

His GF got a job that pays 2x as much and my brother has a horrible commute and barely sees E. So he will be a stay at home dad until he gets a job.

But this is going to be so hard. Especially for Mom.

I also have this weird feeling they want to put distance between them and Mom.

I dunno. It's weird and Mom is going to be super depressed. Plus I'll be sad. I am getting to the point where I can do more with him and not get overwhelmed.

Steph and Tom and Monti I wish you had parents that were as fantastic as you guys are.

I am still reeling from the emotional sucker punch from last week's therapy. I'm glad I have therapy this week before we leave for vacation, because maybe it'll help me get it together so I don't freak out Tim's family by spending the entire week just weeping on the beach.

This really sucks so much.

Oh Teppy, I am so sorry this is such hard work. Remember when you are on vacation with Tim that he is your family now. The two of you creating new happy memories. Yes, you have to deal with the historical, but it is just that, history. Your chosen family, of which we are a part, is what nurtures you now. I'm sorry your parents did a crap job at the nurturing, but you have control now to choose how you are going to be treated and valued. Hugs from a safe virtual distance!

Steph and Tom, my brother and sister in therapy, I'm dealing with similar things myself. The anger I'm finally allowing myself to feel isn't even as hard as, what feels like, grieving the person I might have become if my parents had been even halfway decent at being parents. I wish for all of us to realize that we became wonderful, worthwhile people in spite of them.

I wish for all of us to realize that we became wonderful, worthwhile people in spite of them.

Could not have said it better.

DH's parents were completely incompetent and clueless. They weren't cruel or abusive by many definitions, but they were totally self absorbed and either oblivious to the general rules of parenthood, or just didn't care. Dad was an alcoholic and mom may have originally defined enabler. ALL 4 kids are the most responsible hard working capable adults ever. They had to raise themselves. They had to pay the electric bill when the parents didn't. They had to figure out how to feed themselves, cloth themselves and get to adulthood. All 4 kids excelled in school, have been continuously gainfully employed since they were kids, and are just plain reliable.

This isn't the only time I have seen it work out this way. One thing I know for sure, with my inlaws and with so many others I have seen rise above their beginnings, Parents Do Not Define You.

Amen, Laura.