when people have something like a DUI they recognize that the incident is a problem but have a harder time seeing that theirs whole way of life led to the incident. Not!son really reminds me of that.

That's EXACTLY what he's like. He genuinely feels remorse for the DUI, and not in an "I regret getting caught" way -- he's genuinely pissed that he drove drunk. But he doesn't see the bigger picture. He said that now, whenever he passes a bar, he thinks, "Fuck you" -- but to the *bar*, not to his poor choice.

Yeah, I don't have an easy answer for it, but AA has certainly seen it before and some people do get past it and really work on themselves, even relatively late in life.

His mother has been sober for decades -- he grew up with her attending AA meetings. So he knows the drill. And Sunday night he actually went to 2 meetings (though part of that might have been because he had no place to go).

I think he intends to keep going to meetings, but, again, I fear that unless it's staggeringly easy for him to get to a meeting, he won't go.

I really do want to see him get his shit together. I genuinely am pulling for him. But he has to do the work, and I don't know if he's willing to do that.

It is scary how much reading about not!son is like reading about my!son. And discouraging. I can't count the number of times I have heard apologies and thanks and "I know I really screwed up" coming from him. It really just strengthens my resolve because I really need him to figure this shit out at 25 so he still isn't going through it at 38.

It is a whole lot easier to do it for them!!

Man. Love to everyone to is dealing with this kind of frustration. It's weird, to be all mememe for a second, I can kind of see both sides. I think, especially when I was deeper in depression, that it was hard for me to see what was actually in my power to change and I felt hopeless - remember my line that I'm the "motherfucking James Bond of self-sabotage?" I still feel that way sometimes, but much less often now.

On the other hand, I've watched loved ones in helpless frustration many a time.

Both sides suck. I wish there was an easy fix, or a way to prevent it.

Ugh Javacat, that sounds miserable. I hope you get some relief.

And yay Laura on happier, healthier eating. Even more than weight, healthy eating makes such a difference for me in terms of how I feel.

I can kind of see both sides.

Absolutely, that is the hardest part. I know that son is depressed, at times severely, but I have done all I can do. I keep coming back to my mother's wise words. "Laura, you can't want for him." Until he wants more from life nothing will change.

I'm sorry it's so hard, Laura.

I'm in the euphoric/hypomanic phase of PMS, which means that later today or tomorrow a switch will flip and I will suddenly become homicidal. God, I wish the first phase lasted longer. Like, several days longer. I would get so much done. And feel better about it.

My PMS killed the thread! Oh noes!!

I just get the homicidal with my PMS and lately, extra pain.