I realized I needed lunch before I could take a walk. So I'm eating lunch while I'm raging.

Would it be possible for you to talk to Tim about how not!son needs to handle his own situation, and if he needs SOME help, Tim should be the one, not you?

We have talked about it, and Tim is on board with it. The enabling is all coming from me. I come from a family of addicts. Enabling is second nature to me. But it is self-serving, too, because if I find him a homeless shelter, it gets not!son out of my goddamn driveway and house.

Enabling is second nature to me.

My sister?

But it is self-serving, too

Whatever gets you peace of mind the fastest is what I'm in support of.

Yes, what Jilli said. IMHO Finding him a homeless shelter seems like a less problematic activity than letting him continue to sleep on your couch or in your driveway or whatever.

For the love of God. not!son doesn't want to go to the shelter tomorrow because he "can't handle" the communal sleeping arrangement, where there's a ton of beds in one room. He said it triggers his anxiety really badly. And while I obviously get how awful anxiety is, the alternative is SLEEPING IN HIS CAR IN NOVEMBER IN OHIO. Sometimes you have to suck it up and push through, especially when the alternative is sleeping in your car in November in Ohio, holy forking shirtballs.

The shelter is a really good program, with 3 hot meals a day and a bed and toiletries and laundry and social services AND medical services he could use, and he's turning it down. This program works really hard to get people jobs and into transitional housing. This is ALL STUFF HE NEEDS.

The plan was that he would come here after work with Tim, I would make a vat of pasta and a tossed salad, etc., and he could crash on the couch one last time and then go to the shelter first thing in the morning. So I'm not going to starve him -- he's welcome to one last hot dinner. In fact, he can crash on the couch this one last time. He's already here. But after tonight, I am done. I wash my hands of this guy. This shelter could have really helped him, and he's turning it down. Jesus.

After I finish eating, I am retiring to the bedroom to edit and seethe.

It sounds like an example of the kind of bad decision-making that's led him to the point where he is right now in his life.

Pretty much.

I am now seething and editing (and browsing the interwebs) in the bedroom.

It sounds like an example of the kind of bad decision-making that's led him to the point where he is right now in his life.

Exactly. I try to be a kind, non-judgmental person, but when I hear about folks like not!son, who refuse to learn from prior mistakes and expect everyone else to save them, I get angry. (I have someone not quite as bad/feckless, but close, in my life. I can't sever ties without fallout everywhere AND putting my Dad in a very uncomfortable situation.)

I am now seething and editing (and browsing the interwebs) in the bedroom.

Seethe! Seethe! You should absolutely seethe! (Also, I like saying seethe.)

Jeez, Tep, you've been way more patient with this guy than I would be.

He's got like a dozen red flags that I wouldn't let anywhere near the orbit of my home. He's a full-on chaos generator with seemingly poor impulse control.

Do not let Mister Beggar Wants To Choose Comfort colonize your couch. He'll be like bedbugs, hard to get rid of.

I've protected my couch from freeloaders a few times. They were mad at me. I didn't care. People like that are not friends worth having. Take your drama to your mama, and if you have burned that bridge... You really stink at being human.

Seriously, this guy needs to go away and not return. He should not be welcome at your home.

'Cuz all he's going to do is bring his fucked up shit into your life.