Tim's ex's son, the one who he has a close relationship with, who we helped move down to Texas like 6 or 7 years ago (and who moved back like 4 years ago, for reasons I still don't understand), got a DUI and got evicted and is in a complicated mess that is the result of consistently bad choices that boil down to him being jobless, homeless, and carless. And Tim is trying to help him out, which means that he's sleeping on our couch tonight, and I am trying to not flip out. I don't want him here. Today has been a ridiculous clusterfuck of getting this dude's belongings out of the apartment he was evicted from and into a storage unit. I have no idea where he's going tomorrow, but he won't be staying here. Or else I won't.
I cannot fucking believe this is happening and that Tim is dragged into saving this guy's ass yet again. Actually, I *can* believe it's happening, because this guy makes consistently bad choices and experiences the natural consequences of them and then doesn't change his behavior.
I'm in the bedroom trying not to flip out while they're in the living room trying to come up with a plan. I don't care what the plan is, as long as he is out of our house tomorrow. I am finished with him fucking up his life and coming to Tim to rescue him. He is 38 years old, not 18. I know I should have compassion, but this is bullshit. This is the third time that Tim has rescued him at significant expense to himself, time-wise and money-wise.
I feel like I could power a city with my anger right now, and I'm not even sure who I'm most angry at: ex's son, or Tim.
Oh Tep. I'm so sorry. You are not in any way wrong.
Tim and I are so very much alike, my heart goes out to him. But you are completely correct. Sometimes an ultimatum has to be put out there, and it sounds like this is one of those times.
Anything I can do to help, just let me know. I don't know offhand what that might be, but who knows, something might come up.
But the thing is, I feel like a MONSTER for setting these boundaries. Because this guy apparently has no other resources or people to turn to and he is literally homeless. So if I say he can't stay here, I am the monster who put him out on the street.
We don't have an extra bedroom. We have a couch. I work from home, usually on that couch. I absolutely cannot have him here. I cannot.
But that makes me the monster who is putting a homeless guy on the street.
There is no win here for me. If I stand firm on this boundary, I get my house, which I need to work to earn money to make up the part of the household budget that Tim has spent on this jackass -- but then this jackass is homeless because I stood firm on this boundary. So I get to be the monster. But if I cave because I don't want to be the monster, we have someone living on our couch and all up in our space in our very tiny house, where I work from all day, every day. Because he will not get a job because he cannot drive.
In the end, I have to be the monster. And I have to live with that.
I get that. But you are right. I'm sorry it takes being the monster, but that is the situation, not you. A situation you did not create.
You are so very much in the right here. For yourself, which is enough, but also for Tim and Ex's Son. It may feel like it but you are in no way wrong.
Tim may be counting on you to be the monster. He may need you to be the backstop he can use to make the boundaries stick.
Tim may be counting on you to be the monster.
Which is why I'm not sure who I'm angriest at. It might be Tim.
I've taken 1 whole Ativan already, and I might take more. I am so full of rage right now.
That's not being a monster, that's knowing what will work for basic functioning of your family. He *does* have other options, he just has to choose to explore them. Might not be as cozy as your couch, but there are shelters and programs. And if Tim wants to help him navigate that, fine. But drawing this line doesn't make you a monster. Just aware of what will and will not work.
You can be angry at everyone.
HULK LIKE RAGING FIRE; THOR LIKE TINY FLAME
