But the thing is, I feel like a MONSTER for setting these boundaries. Because this guy apparently has no other resources or people to turn to and he is literally homeless. So if I say he can't stay here, I am the monster who put him out on the street.
We don't have an extra bedroom. We have a couch. I work from home, usually on that couch. I absolutely cannot have him here. I cannot.
But that makes me the monster who is putting a homeless guy on the street.
There is no win here for me. If I stand firm on this boundary, I get my house, which I need to work to earn money to make up the part of the household budget that Tim has spent on this jackass -- but then this jackass is homeless because I stood firm on this boundary. So I get to be the monster. But if I cave because I don't want to be the monster, we have someone living on our couch and all up in our space in our very tiny house, where I work from all day, every day. Because he will not get a job because he cannot drive.
In the end, I have to be the monster. And I have to live with that.
I get that. But you are right. I'm sorry it takes being the monster, but that is the situation, not you. A situation you did not create.
You are so very much in the right here. For yourself, which is enough, but also for Tim and Ex's Son. It may feel like it but you are in no way wrong.
Tim may be counting on you to be the monster. He may need you to be the backstop he can use to make the boundaries stick.
Tim may be counting on you to be the monster.
Which is why I'm not sure who I'm angriest at. It might be Tim.
I've taken 1 whole Ativan already, and I might take more. I am so full of rage right now.
That's not being a monster, that's knowing what will work for basic functioning of your family. He *does* have other options, he just has to choose to explore them. Might not be as cozy as your couch, but there are shelters and programs. And if Tim wants to help him navigate that, fine. But drawing this line doesn't make you a monster. Just aware of what will and will not work.
You can be angry at everyone.
HULK LIKE RAGING FIRE; THOR LIKE TINY FLAME
The combination of the Hulk quote and my tagline is my current mental state. I should be asleep from the Ativan, but I'm too agitated. That's powerful agitation.
I remember when Hubby's daughter, at age 16 and pregnant, was floating the idea of moving in with us. The idea made me nearly nuts. I don't know if my horror at the idea gave Hubby the impetus to say "No" or if was a conversation I had with her. She was saying she was looking forward to this and that and then said, "And you'll be getting me up in the morning to get to school." "No, I won't," I said, blinking at her, "you can get yourself up to go to school." She seemed utterly flabbergasted.
