What I really want to do is buy this local restaurant and run it.

Perhaps you can locate investors, join with the current employees, something like that. (also, the restaurant business is a horror that can only lead to madness, ijs)

Jessica, two hours each way would be hideous for an amazing job you loved. For a job you need to get out of, that's beyond ridiculous!! Severance package sounds lovely.

Jessica, you need to do what you can to maintain your sanity, and spend time with your kids. When I was really young, my dad had the opportunity to become the district-leading-to-regional manager for the local McDonald's franchise. After a lot of soul-searching, he turned it down, because he realized it meant he'd end up working 80+ hours a week and never be able to spend time with me. In retrospect, him taking that job would have solved a lot of the money problems my family always had. But having my dad always around was, in the long run, much better.

I want to work close to home so I can see my kids for more than an hour a day, but I'm terrified I will never find anything that pays this well ever again, and maybe I can give my kids more in the long run by sticking it out?

You might not find anything that pays that well again. Three years later and finally on my first FTE gig since the old company, I'm not even making my starting salary from said old company, my benefits are worse, and I've probably got more stuff I'm responsible for doing.

BUT, I'm also not wondering if death would be easier than continuing to go to a toxic, soul-destroying environment. The income reduction sucks, especially because I have more expenses, but it's still better on the whole.

Am I a snob if I think I'd be giving up something important by looking for something that's just a *job* and not a career?

What do you think you'd be giving up? Also, what do you have to give up for something that's a career? Because there will be tradeoffs, for sure.

Why, at age 39, am I still completely blank about what I want to be when I grow up? If I went back to school, would that help, or would that just make me 20 years older than everyone else I'd be competing with when I got out? What would I even go back to school for? Am I having a completely normal midlife crisis, and should I just wait it out?

You're having a normal midlife crisis. That said, waiting it out doesn't seem to actually work, or at least, at 43, it hasn't worked for me yet. Throw shit at the wall, see what sticks.

Yeah, I meant to say, normal midlife crisis does not mean ignore it until it goes away. We have these for a reason. You need a change, try to make it a good one.

Buying the restaurant would be amazing! Can you borrow? Get investors?

At 63 I'm thinking that maybe I will be one of those people that finds their calling after retirement. Yes, I am very good at my job, and it has rewarded me, but not what I ever wanted to do when I grew up.

It's hard to stay at a job that makes you miserable, and especially a commute that makes you miserable. But I get why it's scary.

Warning about the restaurant, all my restauranteur friends tell me that you work crazy hours, miss out on holidays and family weekends, so that may not solve your time issues. But it may give you something to do that you love doing.

all my restauranteur friends tell me that you work crazy hours, miss out on holidays and family weekends, so that may not solve your time issues.

Totally true from everything I've heard too. But at least it would be in town...

There's that, yes

OH! I forgot to add: think about it for another week or two, but I think taking the package is smart.