{{sj}}

DH is prepping and painting the place in Otter Lake with a couple contractor dudes that live across the road. Part of the time I feel guilty for him working so hard and not enjoying the beautiful fall leaves and relaxing a bit. Also, the toll it takes on business to have his attention on construction rather than computers. But I want my house to be cute. On a related note, picking colors is hard.

Yes, and it's more like, "Wow you're really being irrational. I'm worried about you." Maybe I'm really just being irrational. But it is hard to tell with my mother because she pulls the depression card on me all the time.

See? I knew you all could guide me.

I adore every one of those eShakti pieces. Every. One. Definitely marked for later.

Now that I am clearer about what I'm doing, I have decided to develop a small wardrobe of my 'uniform.' Similar pieces that flatter, rather than a bunch of inexpensive bits and bobs.

I considered going the Ivey Abitz way, but WAY too expensive, even when I have the dosh, and too frilly. This lagenlook style is much more my speed.

sj, I so feel you. I have two people in my life right now who are craven cowards, liars and cheats...but how dare I push back against their rubbish.

Laura, how great that the DH has those skills! And, once the house is ready, it will make everything easier. I wish I could do your colors for you. I've done all my friends' houses and it's fun!

I may call for help on the color decision!

Yes, and it's more like, "Wow you're really being irrational. I'm worried about you." Maybe I'm really just being irrational. But it is hard to tell with my mother because she pulls the depression card on me all the time.

I think you can trust yourself and your perceptions. But if you're really wondering, check it with someone else who you trust, like TCG.

I know I'm a little more emotional and exhausted right now. I'm not fully recovered from all the various Ickes I came down with.

I know I'm a little more emotional and exhausted right now.

I'm still not sure that makes you irrational. I mean, yeah, when you're tired and ill (or getting over an illness), your tolerance for irritating stuff is lower, because you just don't have the energy, physical OR emotional. So you might drop the veneer of politeness that you usually have when people's annoying habits wear on you.

Here's an example: that time that my mom and I were talking about my stomach pain, and in the course of the conversation she said THREE TIMES "I'm not going to make this about me..." and then immediately proceeded to make it about her, I just rolled my eyes and let it pass. But if I had zero patience because my stomach was eating itself, so I finally snapped and said "Jesus, Mom, for someone who isn't making it about you, you just spent 10 minutes talking about yourself. Can you cut that out?", would that really be "irrational"? I don't think so.

But only you can know what kinds of things you're reacting to, and how you're reacting. But I still think checking them with TCG isn't a bad idea. Because if your mom plays the depression card all the time, she's a little unreliable. It sounds like she uses it whenever you don't react with sunshine and puppies.

Although I will share this one thing I've learned in therapy that's been useful: when I have a complete weeping, hyperventilating meltdown to something like the TV dying, or Tim deciding it's time to look for a new job, that extreme of a reaction, which is not at all proportionate to the event that kicked it off, is really not about the TV, or about Tim's job. It's about something else, and I have to figure out what that is, and why it made me melt down. That's been really helpful to me.

BUT -- and I feel like this is key -- it's not about when I get irritable about something. Maybe being irritable isn't the kindest reaction in the moment, but it's still a reaction to the thing in front of me, not something else disguised as the thing in front of me.

But it doesn't sound like you're having a total weeping, hyperventilating meltdown here, so I just don't think "irrational" is what's going on here.

TEPPY IS WISE.

I stole it from my therapist. It was a goddamn revelation.