I know I'm a little more emotional and exhausted right now.

I'm still not sure that makes you irrational. I mean, yeah, when you're tired and ill (or getting over an illness), your tolerance for irritating stuff is lower, because you just don't have the energy, physical OR emotional. So you might drop the veneer of politeness that you usually have when people's annoying habits wear on you.

Here's an example: that time that my mom and I were talking about my stomach pain, and in the course of the conversation she said THREE TIMES "I'm not going to make this about me..." and then immediately proceeded to make it about her, I just rolled my eyes and let it pass. But if I had zero patience because my stomach was eating itself, so I finally snapped and said "Jesus, Mom, for someone who isn't making it about you, you just spent 10 minutes talking about yourself. Can you cut that out?", would that really be "irrational"? I don't think so.

But only you can know what kinds of things you're reacting to, and how you're reacting. But I still think checking them with TCG isn't a bad idea. Because if your mom plays the depression card all the time, she's a little unreliable. It sounds like she uses it whenever you don't react with sunshine and puppies.

Although I will share this one thing I've learned in therapy that's been useful: when I have a complete weeping, hyperventilating meltdown to something like the TV dying, or Tim deciding it's time to look for a new job, that extreme of a reaction, which is not at all proportionate to the event that kicked it off, is really not about the TV, or about Tim's job. It's about something else, and I have to figure out what that is, and why it made me melt down. That's been really helpful to me.

BUT -- and I feel like this is key -- it's not about when I get irritable about something. Maybe being irritable isn't the kindest reaction in the moment, but it's still a reaction to the thing in front of me, not something else disguised as the thing in front of me.

But it doesn't sound like you're having a total weeping, hyperventilating meltdown here, so I just don't think "irrational" is what's going on here.

TEPPY IS WISE.

I stole it from my therapist. It was a goddamn revelation.

You're wise at knowing what to steal.

Yes, quite wise.

I am going to post the current pictures to the Buffista FB page because easier.

I've been told I was irrational so. many. times. by people who just wanted me to hush and deal with their shit, that I'm not the slightest bit objective about it. However, objectively, I doubt you are being irrational, sj. You seem like a completely rational person to me. Having not-happy emotions and expressing them, even loudly and with tears, perhaps, is not irrational.

I have a small mountain of work to finish today, and my helper is not being super helpful. She's doing her job, she's just doing stuff she doesn't need to, involving people who don't need to be brought in, needing me to explain stuff she should have been taught, and it's slowing things down.

Thanks, guys. I didn't mean to post and disappear. My day just got busy.

Checking in with TCG doesn't really help. He's not good with that kind of thing.

I had a tough morning, and there were some tears. TCG was supposed to get ltc up before he left for work, and then he decided he didn't have time, and I was more than a little annoyed. ltc did not want to be up early for school and wouldn't eat breakfast. I was trying to get her school bag together, and for some reason there was at least one piece missing from every thermos she has (I still don't know where the heck they disappeared to). Mom showed up, and I asked her to get a face cloth to clean up ltc, because while she wouldn't eat, she did make a mess. She insisted there weren't any. I told her there were. She started yelling at me, and I went to go get them exactly where I said they would be, and there were a couple of tears in my eyes by then because I'm so frustrated with people who say they are there to help not being able to do the simplest tasks. Mom yelled at me for tearing up, and I started to really cry. Then ltc got upset because I was crying, hugged me and said, "don't cry mama". Mom got more angry that I was crying in front of ltc. So, more tears.

My afternoon was better. Mom took ltc to school, and I reorganized the pantry and all the spices because one of our local stores has a half price bulk spice sale in September, and I put away the rest of the non perishable groceries from yesterday's Peapod delivery.

Uh, your mother sounds like the one who was being irrational.

Yelling at someone who is already crying seldom goes well, in my experience.

I wish I could wrap you up in a comfy blanket and offer you the beverage of your choice, sj. That's an awful lot to go through.

My ~ma is your ~ma, as always.