feeling like she has to cater to other people's needs when it just makes no sense. The end is so near that I'd love it if she had some super selfish inclinations, but she is both kind and trained to Southern manners.

This. You long-term 'ffistas may remember the story about H at my dad's viewing, when the relatives thought we weren't performing mourning correctly, and he dismissed them with, "Let 'em get their own corpse."

I have no patience with that performative art. And comforting others who come to express sympathy--well. The main reason there was no funeral or memorial for StE was my unwillingness/inability to perform.

I do think there's an expectation to participate in the theater around dying and public mourning, an excitement and titillation that has been cultured by various societies. For some, it's closure. For me it's repellent, and I'll go find a clearing in the woods to rage and mourn in private, and not feel compelled to validate a second cousin I'd met once as a child by demonstrating emotional support for them.

On the other hand, co-workers and I figured we could eat lunch for free every day simply by checking obits and dropping by for "condolence calls" when the family was receiving at home, with a spread brought by the church and neighbors.

I do think there's an expectation to participate in the theater around dying and public mourning, an excitement and titillation that has been cultured by various societies. For some, it's closure. For me it's repellent, and I'll go find a clearing in the woods to rage and mourn in private, and not feel compelled to validate a second cousin I'd met once as a child by demonstrating emotional support for them.

I go to visitations/funerals to support the bereaved loved one(s), but when I feel strong-armed into it, I get pissed. When a friend died unexpectedly a couple of years ago, a mutual friend who was very close to the woman who died arranged a memorial at a restaurant for our friends, as the funeral services were for family only. The night of the memorial, which was quite out of the way for some people (an hour's drive or more), there was torrential rain. The friend who arranged the memorial took to Facebook ahead of the memorial and in an angry all-caps screed she pronounced that anyone who dared to skip this memorial should never speak to her again, because she would consider it unforgivable.

I 100% acknowledge that she was grieving, and that leads to unpredictable emotions, but that outburst pissed me off so hard. I have no idea if she walked back her angry pronouncement and apologized to the people who didn't show up because they didn't want to drive over an hour at night one way in the pouring rain, but I do know there are people who haven't spoken to her since then. And hell, maybe she thinks it was worth it to cull the herd.

Am I letting down the team if I say no to the PIO at AHCCS(AZ Medicaid)? Because healthcare is important to me, and I want to bring attention, but, at the same time, I'm not really looking to be The Face Of this stuff(And I'm already on one ugly website for our attendant-care agency...don't ask.) i said yes to everyone all summer because I felt like the disability perspective was not being articulated, but I don't feel quite the same about it now...and I thought that speech earlier in the month was, you know, The Biggest Deal, worried about it for weeks and then it was a very minor deal indeed.(Not that I do things, like, looking for my closeup, or what have you...I hope you guys understand that.Just having limited mobility puts pressure on everything I can get to to be The Best, even when I know intellectually, many things are quite ordinary. Another thing that sucks for me, is that when I say yes to things, it's kind of like *we* say yes.(And my mother would very much prefer planting herbs in a window box than telling our life story again). Sometimes it's worth fighting past all that, sometimes I have to pull an Elsa and put it aside... Not sure what to do in this instance.

Am I letting down the team if I say no to the PIO at AHCCS(AZ Medicaid)?

Nah. You're doing a lot, and if this doesn't seem to you like it's important enough for the effort it would require, then trust that.

I've been using my wheelchair on campus more often, because the one on-campus class I'm teaching is across campus from my office. I've been experimenting with ways to get my chair in and out of my car, but I've concluded that I need to get a lift. I just don't have the strength or the height to lift it myself, and the ramp that I thought would fix the problem didn't. I asked around with other local people who use wheelchairs, and they all recommended the same place for buying and installing a lift, so I'll call them tomorrow. And one of my coworkers says that he'll help me with it until I get the lift installed.

Hil glad you are able to get some help until you can get the lift installed. I hope that goes smoothly

can I have some come home kitty~ma

M's kitty Duchess got out last night. He messaged me this morning and said his roommates left the door open and she escaped again (second time in about 2 weeks) and he couldn't find her when he went calling for her/looking.

I'm hoping she'll miss him and come back but he's worried she's hurt someplace or worse

Come home safe, Duchess!

Hil, I'm glad the wheelchair is helping you so much.

I have to Get Things Done and I don'wanna. Eleven hours on the road Tuesday made my ankle swell up huge and it still hurts. sigh It'll be all right, I just wish I could lie on the couch today instead of going out in the heat and humidity.

Duchess is found! She just wandered back up from where ever she was.

Thanks for the ~ma

Yay for Home-Duchess. Don't scare your fam like that!

I do think there's an expectation to participate in the theater around dying and public mourning, an excitement and titillation that has been cultured by various societies.

The theater around dying. Yeeeaaaaahhh. I totally see that.

I've always known that the end was nearer than anyone expected. Today was the first time I thought 'this might be it.'

She is still able to take a few steps, but the quality of life is essentially gone. She must be down to roughly 75lbs. There is no coming back now.

She is trying to hold on until her granddaughter comes next week to 'take care of her for a couple of weeks.' She keeps saying that the granddaughter,"NEEDS this."

I feel terrible thinking it, but I almost hope the dear one slips away before then. The granddaughter may get a learning experience out of it...goodness knows I did when I was a couple of years younger...but the child has not seen her granny since she weighed roughly 60lbs more. That was in December. I worry that the shock will mean that my friend dies in distress.

Who knows, it could work out perfectly. But, I've been asked to backstop all the maintenance stuff, which I'm more than glad to do. I would not want her to suffer one speck more than I can prevent.

Glad the kitty is home! Don't run out the door anymore, silly Duchess, okay?