Hang in there beekaytee. Who knows for sure where the mean talk originated. I know there are times when I will have ugly thoughts which my brain immediately jumps on as being unfair/unkind/wrong. If I had no filter, I know I'd end up saying things I don't really mean. When those thoughts happen, my next thought is typically "where the heck did that come from".

Today I have WAY too much to do and not enough time and yet here I am, procrastinating with y'all. Where did my motivation go?

beekaytee, your strength to see this through for a friend is lovely to see. You are a blessing to her and to her family even at the times she is not able to say how much your hard work is appreciated.

Steph, I'm glad the Nexium is helping, regardless of what tests you end up enduring.

I know it was the drug talking, but I'm wondering it is just gave her license to express her true feelings. She was just so mean.

That is a really awful occurrence way too often with serious illness. Yes, it does hurt tremendously. Staff made me leave when DH was like that and wouldn't let me come back until the psychosis passed. It is brutal. No, they are not true feelings. It is illness.

Steph, I'm glad the Nexium is helping

Yes! Lack of stabby pain is a very good thing.

I know it was the drug talking, but I'm wondering it is just gave her license to express her true feelings.

My beloved had bouts of this frequently, but I don't know if it was drugs. It turned out he actually had bouts of sleepwalking, and the man that came out was nasty. It was so out of place for the way he normally was that I never called him on it, and he nearly broke into tears the one time I told him what he'd said.

The brain is a freaky place.

Endoscopy/colonoscopy

Called by the OR staff, doctor, and anesthesiologist at my procedure, a "spinner." "Oh, you're in for a spinner."

I don't know, it sort of made it sound fun for me, like a fair ride, or something.

Because of my anxiety and a couple of other things, my doc admitted me and there was an anesthesiologist--who was very cool. He started explaining stuff, finding synonyms for medical jargon, and I straight-faced, "I know what it is. We're rewatching ER." "Oh, right! Cutting edge early nineties tech!"

I had a little anti-anxiety drip in my IV, was positioned on my side, and simply fell asleep. I woke up feeling like I'd had a fabulous nap, and had very little pain, recovered in a day or so.

I'd do the procedure that way a couple of times a month, just for the terrific nap. But you'd have to chase me down with a net for the prep beforehand.

Anyway, "spinner." Heh.

I hope all goes well for you, Steph, and you find out what's going on, and it's a simple and effective fix.

BKT, I have nothing but admiration for you, for doing this with your friend. My dad had some nasty things to say about me while they were trying to regulate his dementia meds, and there was enough fact and truth in them to change my perception of the relationship we'd always had, my opinion of him. The relationship changed, because he was no longer lucid or really responsive, thanks to the drugs. But I have an idea how that felt, and I'm very sorry.

You're amazing. I wish her ease, and comfort, both of which are helped by your constance and presence. And I wish you strength.

I feel small saying this, but I am still a bit stung. I know it was the drug talking, but I'm wondering it is just gave her license to express her true feelings. She was just so mean.

I watched the happen with my mother. It is horrible when the brain goes haywire like that. She said some truly horrible things, and it was a complete departure from the woman she was for her entire life. I don't think there is much that can make it easier. All I can say is that many of us have been there, seen and heard things like that, and we have survived. Try to focus on the image of your friend when she was healthy, not thing things that are happening now.

My grandma would turn mean and then be sweet.

My grandfather(according to Mom) accused my grandma of having sec with men on their car in the drive way among other things at the end of his life.

I spent a long weekend with M. I was worried something would happen but the worst is I accidentally sent over the fats plan playing Spotify and not realizing wi fi was off.

Over all we kind of balance. I introduced him to Fluxx and he took to it and beat me almost every time. Also introduced him to Bob's Burgers and he got me into an anime series.

Also I smoked weed for the first time. He does and I've declined other times but finally tried it. It seems like it would have been a better choice for anxiety for me. Not sure if different type would make me feel different but I pretty muchbfelt lile the first few days on Klonopin

Man. Found out that a woman in our larger circle of friends/acquaintances died in a house fire last night. That's really awful. (Though, to be perfectly honest, I never liked her and generally tried to avoid her at gatherings. But, you know, that doesn't mean I wanted her dead.) What a rough year this is. Sheesh.

t edit And I am -- to be clear -- really sad for our mutual friends who were close to her, and her family. What a horrible thing.