Phryne is a perfect name--she's a glossy black, like character-Phryne's bob!

Cute character drawings, Gud!

Wafting feel-betters to those what need them. Day four of dizzying headache. Closed eyes in a dark room is booooring.

Congrats Porch Cat Phryne! You landed well.

My current working setup is a big comfy chair with my computer on a side table and keyboard and mouse on a laptop board.

I have moved my computer into my great room and have set up a 'Cagney couch' next to the dining table. It's pretty great. The wider, open space seems to inspire me.

I wish, however, something would contribute to some extreme focus.

I need to create a fb fan page, an online course/ebook client attraction thingie, do something with the parts of my wordpress website that aren't working.

It is all, totally ARGH and I am vexed. VEXED. Why can't I afford to get someone to do all this for me?

I wish Ginger was here to talk me through pdf stuff.

Speaking of same, have any of you used Prezi? I love the look of it, but wonder if it is worth the learning curve.

Send inspiration and, you know, actual ability!

Hil, will you be around then, or back in NJ with your family for the holidays/school break?

Probably in NJ, but I'm not sure -- might be coming back to Cincinnati earlier.

Is anyone around and up for being a productivity buddy? I have procrastinated to the point of panic and paralysis, and I *have* to nudge some things along tonight (like planning work tomorrow and communicating such to my helper and a client).

All right, I'm just going to post here for my own accountability, feel free to scroll.

Done so far: shower and a 1/4 Xanax (bless the drugs), put away a few articles of clothes (each time I go into the bedroom for something, I put away a few things), sent three overdue messages for work, counted how many scheduled work days I have left to complete the project from hell, started filling in my planner for the week, made a pitcher of iced tea.

Next: two more work messages, get an insurance quote for the car I'm buying, message my doctor's assistant, put away dishes. That is pretty much what I *have* to get done tonight, I think. Need to look back through planner to see what else has fallen through the cracks.

Setting timer for 25 min and... onward. When I get going all my anxiety seems so dumb. I try to remember during the anxiety but it's a work in progress.

Are you still going, smonster?

Herbal tea:

Done: sent one work message, pay power bill, check bank balance and credit card due, update budget software a little, put away a few more clothes.

Next: last work message for evening, insurance quote, message doctor's assistant, check back through planner. I want to end my screen time at 10:30, so this will be my last round tonight.

While I'm here and have time left in my break, though... The Boy is really frustrating me. He likes me, it's not just sex, but I think he's in the grip of a very deep depression complicated, I'm sure, by PTSD (was seriously injured in Afghanistan several years ago). That's not the problem. The problem is that he hasn't had good experiences with therapy and doesn't seem to be in a place to step out of his comfort zone for help. He'll go incommunicado for days, and then will trade a spate of emojis with me. I know I can't "fix" him, but it's frustrating and sad to get glimpses of a pretty cool person who can adapt and change (I see little bits of it and know he has in the past). At this point I'm working on watching my emotions and expectations fluctuate and checking in with myself and trusted folks to figure out if I'm still okay or need to let go and move on.

I feel an enormous amount of empathy for people, especially men, who are so trapped by toxic social messaging that talking about any kind of "weakness" makes them shut down. I salute all of you who are working through it. On a very personal level, I am *so* sick of dating men who can't even take a tiny step forward. I feel like I'm on the mountaintop, spinning around in glorious mental illness pride freedom, and they're playing hide and seek with the Nazis. In an outhouse up to their eyeballs in shit (yes, I am mixing my WWII movies).

Let me make super clear - I am not talking about anyone here. Just the dudes I've dated. StW, KBD (worst), M, and now this boy. Even D, really. ::sigh::

Yes, Liese. Hi!

God yes. I get this even in my friendships, which was somewhat baffling to me until I worked out it was probably a gender oriented societal expectations issue. I'm easy to talk to, so dudes often unburden themselves to me. We'll have a pretty deep exchange, maybe over some time, and then they will friend ghost me. I'll think I pissed them off somehow. And then, months later, they'll pop up again, either totally surface, or all deep and intense again. Lather, rinse, repeat. I finally worked out that I pull this shit out of them and then they get freaked out at having been vulnerable with me and panic and bail.

I haven't worked out what to *do* about it, yet, though! Other than recognize that those friendships are flaky at the moment, and not to rely on them too hard.

I'm sorry I missed your productivity round! I could have used it tonight, seeing as how it's 10:30 here and I'm just now buckling down to work. Um.