She was angry because you couldn't answer the phone because you were in a regularly scheduled meeting for your job.

That's NOT okay. That is not an acceptable way to treat an acquaintance, let alone your spouse. How about instead of being stressed, you be angry at her for continually subjecting you to abusive bullshit?

Hubby had a temper and could treat me badly. I would sometimes dread his reaction to something. But I knew he was treating me badly, I knew I didn't deserve it, and I consciously chose to put up with it. Some of it was him never learning how to cope properly with feelings (mid-seventies male raised in a military family) and some of it was medications and constant pain. I never thought it was my fault.

It's not yours, either, Gud.

edit: If you're reading these and shaking your head and saying "No, they don't understand how it is," many of us do.

Got a text, and, yeah, she was too angry to answer my calls and text. Now I'm feeling too stressed and sick to work so I think I'm going to declare myself sick and take off to go home or somewhere.

Practicing some self-care is a good idea, so do something to try to relax rather than continue to beat yourself up if you can.

But that is some straight up bullshit, Gud. It's maybe hard to see it when you're so close to it. But that is WRONG and abusive behavior.

EVRYTHING that'Steph has said, I second heartily.

There is a serious pattern here of her being angry at you for thingsthat are beyond your control or otherwise not your fault. I think we've talked about this before and I don't remember what you said, but you need couples therapy to stay in this marriage. And if she won't go, YOU need to be in therapy for yourself. I really think you'd benefit from an outside and professional perspective on this.

We are your friends. We like you. It's terrible to see you treated this way constantly and to watch you try and take it all on yourself. Can you reread your words as if this was happening to a friend? What would you say to them.

If this was one time, yeah, maybe she was just having a bad day. But it's constant and regular, and it is emotional abuse.

I'm relieved that the pants have landed!

I'm sorry, Gud. Take care of yourself.

From the picture that I see here, your wife is an abuser, and it doesn't even look grey to me from here, it looks pretty black and white.

From the picture that I see here, your wife is an abuser, and it doesn't even look grey to me from here, it looks pretty black and white.

This. I've been married pretty much continuously for 44 years and I can say without any doubt that this is not right or normal. This is an abusive relationship and you do not deserve it. No one does.

Can you reread your words as if this was happening to a friend?

Or flip everything as if you behaved toward her as she treats you. You would not and could not imagine treating her that way. Imagine if the significant other of one of your children treated them that way. You would not tolerate it for your children. You should not accept it for yourself.

Believe me, your children watch their parents relationship and accept this is normal and it will carry forward in their relationships. I cannot imagine my children disrespecting their girlfriends because they never saw it in their home.

We are not trying to make you feel worse!!! We want you to love and respect yourself. You deserve better.

Pants! It is a red-letter day, my friends.

Gud, I don't want you to feel like we're piling on, but we *do* care about you. If you're calling your wife's behavior X and at least a dozen of us are calling it Y, don't you think it's worth considering that the majority could be right?

What smonster said is especially helpful, I think. Imagine someone you care about telling you the story you told us. What would you tell him?

I just want to hug you. And I kind of want to sit her down and tell her to look at her choices.

Timelies all!

What they said, Gud. It's not right for you to have to walk on eggshells all the time.

Paaaants.

And I will vote for individual therapy, NOT couple's therapy. I know it feels like there's no time, but I bet you can make time.