She's a good person so it seems like if there are problems they are probably my fault.

Wait, wait, wait. The logic here is that she's a good person, and therefore...good people never contribute to problems and make mistakes? And if there are problems, then they were caused by someone who isn't a good person (since good people don't contribute to problems)? And if she's a "good person" (and therefore doesn't contribute to problems), but *you* are the source of the problems, using that logic, that makes you...not a good person.

Which is 100% BULLSHIT. Because you ARE a good person. I mean, it's also bullshit that the problems are your fault.

I also have a very difficult time reconciling "good person" with the abusive way she treats you. Good people do not treat their spouses like shit.

I tend to get frustrated at myself for making mistakes.

What was your mistake this time? Being in a regularly scheduled meeting for your job that earns money so your family can continue to eat and have a roof over their heads? Not being psychic? Not having the ability to be in the meeting AND be able to answer the phone the second it rings? I can't see a single mistake here, assuming you wish to remain employed. Does your wife earn enough money to support the entire family if you get fired for not performing your job so that you can be available to answer the phone the second she calls?

Is your role as a husband to jump to answer the phone the second your wife calls? I'd argue that NO, that's not the role of any spouse. You aren't her inept lackey, though she certainly treats you like one. You're her husband.

This is the whole reason for texts, people can answer them without stopping their whole day or when they get a break. Phone calls are aggressive intrusions.

You are also a good person, Gud. Good people make mistakes, and have bad habits, and even do things they know are wrong sometimes. Because they are people. Try not to assume you are in the wrong. Also try not to assume she is mad. These are both just thoughts formed by your mind, not necessarily reflecting the external reality you live in. It's a hard thing to remember, but it is true, and knowing that can help.

Update to PantsGate 2017: The Enpantsening -- the pants have landed! Repeat: the pants have landed! I feel like taking a picture of them and emailing it to Interfering Aunt.

Got a text, and, yeah, she was too angry to answer my calls and text. Now I'm feeling too stressed and sick to work so I think I'm going to declare myself sick and take off to go home or somewhere.

Gud, you deserve to be treated better. Your wife is being unreasonable and abusive.

She was angry because you couldn't answer the phone because you were in a regularly scheduled meeting for your job.

That's NOT okay. That is not an acceptable way to treat an acquaintance, let alone your spouse. How about instead of being stressed, you be angry at her for continually subjecting you to abusive bullshit?

Hubby had a temper and could treat me badly. I would sometimes dread his reaction to something. But I knew he was treating me badly, I knew I didn't deserve it, and I consciously chose to put up with it. Some of it was him never learning how to cope properly with feelings (mid-seventies male raised in a military family) and some of it was medications and constant pain. I never thought it was my fault.

It's not yours, either, Gud.

edit: If you're reading these and shaking your head and saying "No, they don't understand how it is," many of us do.

Got a text, and, yeah, she was too angry to answer my calls and text. Now I'm feeling too stressed and sick to work so I think I'm going to declare myself sick and take off to go home or somewhere.

Practicing some self-care is a good idea, so do something to try to relax rather than continue to beat yourself up if you can.

But that is some straight up bullshit, Gud. It's maybe hard to see it when you're so close to it. But that is WRONG and abusive behavior.

EVRYTHING that'Steph has said, I second heartily.

There is a serious pattern here of her being angry at you for thingsthat are beyond your control or otherwise not your fault. I think we've talked about this before and I don't remember what you said, but you need couples therapy to stay in this marriage. And if she won't go, YOU need to be in therapy for yourself. I really think you'd benefit from an outside and professional perspective on this.

We are your friends. We like you. It's terrible to see you treated this way constantly and to watch you try and take it all on yourself. Can you reread your words as if this was happening to a friend? What would you say to them.

If this was one time, yeah, maybe she was just having a bad day. But it's constant and regular, and it is emotional abuse.