You are also a good person, Gud. Good people make mistakes, and have bad habits, and even do things they know are wrong sometimes. Because they are people. Try not to assume you are in the wrong. Also try not to assume she is mad. These are both just thoughts formed by your mind, not necessarily reflecting the external reality you live in. It's a hard thing to remember, but it is true, and knowing that can help.

Update to PantsGate 2017: The Enpantsening -- the pants have landed! Repeat: the pants have landed! I feel like taking a picture of them and emailing it to Interfering Aunt.

Got a text, and, yeah, she was too angry to answer my calls and text. Now I'm feeling too stressed and sick to work so I think I'm going to declare myself sick and take off to go home or somewhere.

Gud, you deserve to be treated better. Your wife is being unreasonable and abusive.

She was angry because you couldn't answer the phone because you were in a regularly scheduled meeting for your job.

That's NOT okay. That is not an acceptable way to treat an acquaintance, let alone your spouse. How about instead of being stressed, you be angry at her for continually subjecting you to abusive bullshit?

Hubby had a temper and could treat me badly. I would sometimes dread his reaction to something. But I knew he was treating me badly, I knew I didn't deserve it, and I consciously chose to put up with it. Some of it was him never learning how to cope properly with feelings (mid-seventies male raised in a military family) and some of it was medications and constant pain. I never thought it was my fault.

It's not yours, either, Gud.

edit: If you're reading these and shaking your head and saying "No, they don't understand how it is," many of us do.

Got a text, and, yeah, she was too angry to answer my calls and text. Now I'm feeling too stressed and sick to work so I think I'm going to declare myself sick and take off to go home or somewhere.

Practicing some self-care is a good idea, so do something to try to relax rather than continue to beat yourself up if you can.

But that is some straight up bullshit, Gud. It's maybe hard to see it when you're so close to it. But that is WRONG and abusive behavior.

EVRYTHING that'Steph has said, I second heartily.

There is a serious pattern here of her being angry at you for thingsthat are beyond your control or otherwise not your fault. I think we've talked about this before and I don't remember what you said, but you need couples therapy to stay in this marriage. And if she won't go, YOU need to be in therapy for yourself. I really think you'd benefit from an outside and professional perspective on this.

We are your friends. We like you. It's terrible to see you treated this way constantly and to watch you try and take it all on yourself. Can you reread your words as if this was happening to a friend? What would you say to them.

If this was one time, yeah, maybe she was just having a bad day. But it's constant and regular, and it is emotional abuse.

I'm relieved that the pants have landed!

I'm sorry, Gud. Take care of yourself.

From the picture that I see here, your wife is an abuser, and it doesn't even look grey to me from here, it looks pretty black and white.