So I screwed up big time. Every time I think things might be going better I find a way to fuck it all up.

This set of tapes running in your head? Your wife recorded them. It sounds to me like *she* is the one who thinks that you screwed up by failing a stupid-ass test that she set up for you without telling you that you were taking a test. It sounds like *she* is the one who thinks you screw things up by not living up to impossible, brutal standards.

I want to say this as kindly as possibly, Gud: your relationship does not sound healthy. It sounds as though she is making ridiculous impossible demands on you and then heaping anger and abuse on you when you don't meet every one of those demands. That's not how you treat someone you love. It just isn't.

I hope she doesn't treat your children this way. I hope your children aren't witnessing her treating you this badly, because let me tell you, as someone who lived through it: watching one of your parents treat the other one like shit is...not awesome. And it sure doesn't teach you how to make healthy relationship choices as an adult.

If she decided to drive the (allegedly) sketchy car when a perfectly good one was available to her, that is 100% on her. There is literally no way she can pin her choice on you. She's trying to hand you a giant turd, and you need to refuse to take it.

Gud, you are a good man and you deserve to be treated with love and kindness and respect. No one should be as hard on a human they love as you and your wife are on you. You did not mess up anything.

I am not seeing where you have fucked anything up, Gud. It sounds to me as if everything is actually okay, no one is hurt, the cars all work to some extent. Your wife is angry and wants you to prioritize a particular chore higher, that doesn't make you wrong for making the choices you have. People can disagree and get angry without it being all on your head.

Gud, it sounds to me as if the only mistake you made was not cutting the brake lines on the car before she drove off in it.

On a more serious note, I have multiple friends and relatives who have gotten divorced, and the only one whose relationship compares to the level of abuse and toxicity you describe is the one whose husband went to jail on drug and arson charges. I honestly think a good lawyer might be more useful than a couples counselor.

Gud, I think you are under tremendous pressure to be perfect which is an unlivable standard. Your wife gets to make choices too and she bears responsibility for choosing to take the car.

Gud, you're a good person and we think you're pretty great. I thought maybe you could use a reminder right now.

I recommend getting couples counseling again. You both need to find out how to communicate. You can be really great at X things, but suck at others. And the aspergerger's thing? You both have to work with it. It's not just your issue. If she really wants to partner with you, you both need to find the language to achieve that.

If she wants to drive the old car it is on her. There is a new car available. I agree with suggestions of counseling.