Gud, you are a good man and you deserve to be treated with love and kindness and respect. No one should be as hard on a human they love as you and your wife are on you. You did not mess up anything.

I am not seeing where you have fucked anything up, Gud. It sounds to me as if everything is actually okay, no one is hurt, the cars all work to some extent. Your wife is angry and wants you to prioritize a particular chore higher, that doesn't make you wrong for making the choices you have. People can disagree and get angry without it being all on your head.

Gud, it sounds to me as if the only mistake you made was not cutting the brake lines on the car before she drove off in it.

On a more serious note, I have multiple friends and relatives who have gotten divorced, and the only one whose relationship compares to the level of abuse and toxicity you describe is the one whose husband went to jail on drug and arson charges. I honestly think a good lawyer might be more useful than a couples counselor.

Gud, I think you are under tremendous pressure to be perfect which is an unlivable standard. Your wife gets to make choices too and she bears responsibility for choosing to take the car.

Gud, you're a good person and we think you're pretty great. I thought maybe you could use a reminder right now.

I recommend getting couples counseling again. You both need to find out how to communicate. You can be really great at X things, but suck at others. And the aspergerger's thing? You both have to work with it. It's not just your issue. If she really wants to partner with you, you both need to find the language to achieve that.

If she wants to drive the old car it is on her. There is a new car available. I agree with suggestions of counseling.

I'm sure the whole Asperger's thing doesn't help either. I have a hard time reading people and I don't always catch it when she says one thing and means another.

And the aspergerger's thing? You both have to work with it. It's not just your issue. If she really wants to partner with you, you both need to find the language to achieve that.

Yes, definitely. You can't help how you process information, or the way you read people (or don't read people), and by the same token, she can't help how she processes information. It's good to know you each process information differently, but the next step is to work out ways to communicate while taking that into account. For instance, she may have to be very clear and direct if she wants you to do something (like take the old car to the mechanic), instead of assuming that you'll just guess from her actions what you should do (or should have done). And for your part, you may need to ask for clarification on things she says/does/asks you to do.

It definitely can be done, though, and it can make a relationship run so much more smoothly.