I'm sure the whole Asperger's thing doesn't help either. I have a hard time reading people and I don't always catch it when she says one thing and means another.

And the aspergerger's thing? You both have to work with it. It's not just your issue. If she really wants to partner with you, you both need to find the language to achieve that.

Yes, definitely. You can't help how you process information, or the way you read people (or don't read people), and by the same token, she can't help how she processes information. It's good to know you each process information differently, but the next step is to work out ways to communicate while taking that into account. For instance, she may have to be very clear and direct if she wants you to do something (like take the old car to the mechanic), instead of assuming that you'll just guess from her actions what you should do (or should have done). And for your part, you may need to ask for clarification on things she says/does/asks you to do.

It definitely can be done, though, and it can make a relationship run so much more smoothly.

Also agree with the couples counseling. And agree that you are a great guy Gud, I wish you saw that as clearly as we do.

Steph is wise. Also, I really hope that your DW doesn't know what it does to you when you can't guess what she wants you to do. Does she? Have you spoken about it? If not, therapy or counseling could help you figure out how to tell her.

So Gud, this is my story with a lot of details left out. This Feb was a big fight for my DH and I . I planned a long weekend away - but he did not really look at the dates. and booked himself doing a favor for a friend one night. so - in the middle of this weekend he came home to do the favor. and then cam back

There were tons of reason I was angry, real reasons - and if I listed it all out-I'm pretty sure most people would get it

but in the end - I had to let it go. The root cause of this event - is the very generous nature of my DH. and that he is super stressed. It is possible something like this could happen again.

I can't change him. I can't really change me . We can communicate better. And as I say all the time - we are not one brain.

Hopefully, this is just one more bump. but you both need to figure it out

What they said, pretty much, plus an addendum, Gud. I'm a woman, and I've been taking my own cars to the mechanic for over 27 years. If your wife can drive the car, she can drive it to the shop. You both have things on your plates, and your wife is a grown ass woman who can take some responsibility for her own desires rather than dropping them on you, miscommunicating her level of concern, and getting mad about the result.

Any Chicagoistas able to help me with an emergency?

Today I get two wisdom teeth pulled. They need someone there with me to help me get home, but Anne just cancelled 'cuz she's sick.

I could cancel, but these teeth have been killing me for weeks. I think if I elect to not have general anesthesia, they'll let me drive home but I'd rather not.

I'd need someone there from 9:30 until about 11:00.

I think a lot of this is communication, which is on both sides. A number of times DH has perceived a "tone" or "look" or some meaning where there was none. I can be crushed by a poor choice of words when no harm was intended. It happens. Our perception is XX% internal and often not accurate. Communicate Communicate Communicate - and that often takes outside help to make it work right.

Oh, good luck tommyrot. Nah, they likely won't want you to drive home either way. I hope you find someone, but Uber if you gotta.

Ugh, good luck, Tommyrot! Sorry I can't help.

I don't always catch it when she says one thing and means another.

Speaking on behalf of all neurotypical people, no one always catches it when someone says one thing and means another. That is like the definition of shitty communication.

And honestly, maybe your wife is a great person, but it doesn't sound as though she is great for you. And you are worth caring about in this equation!!

Called the oral surgery place. They said if I only have local anesthesia, I can drive to and from the appointment.

So, boo for no general anesthesia, but yay because I want those painful fuckers gone.