She even drove the old car to her internship across town today even though she could have taken the new Honda. So I screwed up big time.

Gud, take a look at those two sentences. Why is it your fault if she made a choice to drive the old car?

Sorry, that seem like a giant leap from her, as told, Gud. You guys sound like you need counseling, as you don't sound to be on the same page in a lot of perspectivey things. And communication.

Oh, and at work, I'm assigned the same volume of requirements to check as those that are 100%. No. Next cycle, pushback. I didn't learn this until later.

DW is very angry with me

That's interesting - I'm very angry with her. I think she's abusive and shitty.

I think you should really check yourself from internalizing her complaints. She's unreasonable. Literally without reason.

She's very mean and petty.

She undercuts you, berates and rebukes you out at every opportunity. And when there isn't an opportunity she invents one as in this instance.

You are in an abusive relationship, Gud. You know it's true. You need to get some perspective on this.

She is not a good person.

You are *such* a good human, Gud. You deserve so much more kindness and appreciation and thanks for your goodness, there are hardly any words for it. You did not find a way to fuck this up; you're a good soul trying hard and being human, just like all the rest of us, and I don't understand why the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world and always, always have your back is making you feel so awful about yourself. But what you're feeling about yourself is so epically not true.

So I screwed up big time. Every time I think things might be going better I find a way to fuck it all up.

This set of tapes running in your head? Your wife recorded them. It sounds to me like *she* is the one who thinks that you screwed up by failing a stupid-ass test that she set up for you without telling you that you were taking a test. It sounds like *she* is the one who thinks you screw things up by not living up to impossible, brutal standards.

I want to say this as kindly as possibly, Gud: your relationship does not sound healthy. It sounds as though she is making ridiculous impossible demands on you and then heaping anger and abuse on you when you don't meet every one of those demands. That's not how you treat someone you love. It just isn't.

I hope she doesn't treat your children this way. I hope your children aren't witnessing her treating you this badly, because let me tell you, as someone who lived through it: watching one of your parents treat the other one like shit is...not awesome. And it sure doesn't teach you how to make healthy relationship choices as an adult.

If she decided to drive the (allegedly) sketchy car when a perfectly good one was available to her, that is 100% on her. There is literally no way she can pin her choice on you. She's trying to hand you a giant turd, and you need to refuse to take it.

Gud, you are a good man and you deserve to be treated with love and kindness and respect. No one should be as hard on a human they love as you and your wife are on you. You did not mess up anything.

I am not seeing where you have fucked anything up, Gud. It sounds to me as if everything is actually okay, no one is hurt, the cars all work to some extent. Your wife is angry and wants you to prioritize a particular chore higher, that doesn't make you wrong for making the choices you have. People can disagree and get angry without it being all on your head.

Gud, it sounds to me as if the only mistake you made was not cutting the brake lines on the car before she drove off in it.

On a more serious note, I have multiple friends and relatives who have gotten divorced, and the only one whose relationship compares to the level of abuse and toxicity you describe is the one whose husband went to jail on drug and arson charges. I honestly think a good lawyer might be more useful than a couples counselor.

Gud, I think you are under tremendous pressure to be perfect which is an unlivable standard. Your wife gets to make choices too and she bears responsibility for choosing to take the car.

Gud, you're a good person and we think you're pretty great. I thought maybe you could use a reminder right now.