Allyson, I am 100% sure you are doing it "right," whatever that means in a situation that is so wrong. ita's family knows you love her and are grieving alongside them. That means a lot. I hope you are taking care of you, too.

Allyson, if there's anything I can do from a distance, I'm yours.

I didn't mean to insinuate that I was doing everything.

It's not what I understood from your posts, so I don't think there are any worries regarding that.

I asked if they needed any financial help, this will be an expensive visit, but Moji hasn't responded to that. I hope if they need, they will say so.

Please let us know that, too. If any of her loved ones need help getting to LA, the least I can do is contribute some $$.

Would local or otherwise people be interested in a chance to get together? I was thinking I could have an open house Monday (assuming most people have the day off). I understand if it doesn't feel right. But I can get some sandwiches in, people can come by and talk and drink. I have a lot of room. I live in Northridge.

Given that this is a trip they never intended, nor should ever have had to take, I would be honored to contribute what I can to helping financially, and I bet a lot of people would, too. If they're willing to let us help, when they gave us so much in the form of ita, can you or one of the LAistas let us know.

I know we have people who kick ass at handling that sort of fund raising.

I asked if they needed any financial help, this will be an expensive visit, but Moji hasn't responded to that. I hope if they need, they will say so.

I am more than happy to contribute.

What Betsy said, Allyson. There is no making this okay for them, but what you are doing is helping. Not a hairpat, statement of fact.

I was never in the same room as ita, but I do consider her a close friend. My life is better because I knew her, and I am a better person for knowing her. Whether she ever considered me a close friend, who knows, maybe not, but that's okay, lopsided friendships are okay and real.

Allyson, you loved her. Trust me, anything you do for her family will be received in gratitude simply because of that.

I got this quote on the BRQG:

ita: I'm so glad I'm me, since otherwise I might have to be around me, and I suspect that might not be as much fun.

Wrong, lady. Wrong.

We bonded over being huge Kay Howard boosters(Kay, of course, being the tough-yet-vulnerable female detective on Homicide.) I wrote, well, maybe just a drabble, but when she told me that I captured something...that was huge for me. I think she might have related to some of Kay's challenges, but we never really got into the meta of it all.(Kima on the Wire also reminds me of her a little, at least enough to think "Hey!"when idiots wrote that she was both too tough and too perfect. We didn't have a lot of huge moments, but her sense of humour(I put the u in because she'd like it) enriched my life in lots of small ways for over a decade. I'm sure I can't even guess what it's like fixing the board when it breaks