Turns out you can eat your feelings even if you are kind of numb.

That's my plan for the evening. Oven preheating for pizza. Currently trying to eat my weight in cashews.

Jars knows.

I can contact Joe Boucher.

I too was thinking about her unrelenting hatred of Scarlett as Black Widow. And SMG's little mouse punches.

Her love and marvel of a beautifully rendered drawing.

Her first love for capoeira. And then when she was so deep into Krav. How she loved to let the instructor taser her just to decoy the students.

How much she adored kicking people in the crotch. How she thought escrima people were nuts.

Her Woo Woo nurse. How I'd sigh with relief if she got a good nurse and a helpful doctor on the weekend, and clench my fists when she couldn't get her medicine. When they treated her like shit.

How she was a sucker for 80s New Wave dance music.

All her cousin drama.

The deep seamless flow of her profound relationship with her sister.

How grateful she always was to Allyson for giving her a place to land when she had to get out of Michigan.

How much she loved her mom and dad - with such deep respect and reverence.

How she loved to let the instructor taser her just to decoy the students.

I told Tim when he got home, and he said, "ita? The one who used the shockknife???" Her badassery is eternal.

That silvery-gray slinky dress that she loved and how she wished for someone to make her Zoe's dress from "Serenity".

I was hoping you had them, I think mine are on 3.5in disks. Somewhere.

I don't know if I do, but I'll try to find whatever I can. I may have to unearth some boxes for any print photos. I may well have some on 3.5 disks, too, and thanks to Aurelia for saying she'd take them because they're still sitting on my desk rather than in the garbage.

If you're not FB, I did find these (Jilli, I also have a great one of you and ita that I uploaded to the Buffistas group on FB):

[link]

[link]

How much she adored kicking people in the crotch.

Laughter through tears.

Has someone contacted Naomi in London?

I've e-mailed her. I hope the e-mail address I have works.

If you don't hear back from her, I can contact her via Twitter.

Madrigal? I've always felt badly about her leaving the board.

In retaliation for her horrific links, once upon a time I made ita these: [link] I had been so pleased to horrify her right back.

Like many others, it's been the better part of a decade since this was my internet home. Right now I feel like I do when I learn that famous people I really respect have died--gutted, but also a little foolish to feel so strongly about someone with whom I had almost no individual contact. It was just so easy to believe that she was eternal, that she would always be watching over us.

Separation
by W. S. Merwin

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

ita is stitched through every part of this board, every part of this world, and even though she will always be here in some way, none of it will ever be the same without her.