In retaliation for her horrific links, once upon a time I made ita these: [link] I had been so pleased to horrify her right back.

Like many others, it's been the better part of a decade since this was my internet home. Right now I feel like I do when I learn that famous people I really respect have died--gutted, but also a little foolish to feel so strongly about someone with whom I had almost no individual contact. It was just so easy to believe that she was eternal, that she would always be watching over us.

Separation
by W. S. Merwin

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

ita is stitched through every part of this board, every part of this world, and even though she will always be here in some way, none of it will ever be the same without her.

Oh, great pictures.

I just remembered that I had a great conversation with ita once about Zoe and why she was with Wash. ita said she just couldn't understand why someone as tough and strong as Zoe would be with someone as ridiculous as Wash. I speculated that perhaps it was nice to have one person who didn't need you to be badass all the time. ita seemed to find that idea immensely relatable.

Thank you for that, Jen. I hadn't ever seen that, and it fits.

This is going to sound stupid, but I'm *afraid* to click through on those pictures, because I'm afraid that looking at pictures will erase my memory of her.

I never met ita, but we corresponded a few times about the slow progress of migraine research.

In Natter, people were posting bits of poems that they thought were relevant.

More that once since her troubles began, I have thought of ita when reading the closing lines of Stephen Spender's "I think continually of those who were truly great."

The names of those who in their lives fought for life,

Who wore at their hearts the fire’s centre.

Born of the sun, they travelled a short while toward the sun

And left the vivid air signed with their honour.

It's an obvious choice, I guess. But she would have approved of the spelling, and that should count for something.

That does not sound stupid, Betsy.

When I met ita in person (back years ago, with Lee and Burrell and a mix of LAistas) I was surprised at how quiet she was. She was so good at communicating online and so badass that I think I expected her to be all in-your-face in person. The result of her demeanor was that I really wanted to talk to her more and get to know her more, but I was overwhelmed by the whole F2F with everyone and not super-self-confident and so, yeah, regret. I regret that knowing her, I did not know her better.

But it's a regret that people who never knew her at all, never met her or sparred with her verbally or physically, online or in person, it's a regret that they don't have. And I'd much rather have the regret of not knowing her as well as I'd have liked to than the regret of never knowing her at all.

Lapsed Aussie Buffista checking in.. so sad to hear the news. Ita gave me a lot of laughs, and lovely friends through this space. Thinking of everyone close to her. x

I don't know how to deal with the fact that I won't get to read her complaints about ScarJo not being able to do action when the new Avengers movie comes out.

Oh, man. Thank god it's not just me, and that one kept hitting me last night and today because I DISAGREE SO MUCH.

Saw amyparker today, and she sends her sorrow and her love.