Like many others, it's been the better part of a decade since this was my internet home. Right now I feel like I do when I learn that famous people I really respect have died--gutted, but also a little foolish to feel so strongly about someone with whom I had almost no individual contact. It was just so easy to believe that she was eternal, that she would always be watching over us.

Separation
by W. S. Merwin

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

ita is stitched through every part of this board, every part of this world, and even though she will always be here in some way, none of it will ever be the same without her.

Oh, great pictures.

I just remembered that I had a great conversation with ita once about Zoe and why she was with Wash. ita said she just couldn't understand why someone as tough and strong as Zoe would be with someone as ridiculous as Wash. I speculated that perhaps it was nice to have one person who didn't need you to be badass all the time. ita seemed to find that idea immensely relatable.

Thank you for that, Jen. I hadn't ever seen that, and it fits.

This is going to sound stupid, but I'm *afraid* to click through on those pictures, because I'm afraid that looking at pictures will erase my memory of her.

I never met ita, but we corresponded a few times about the slow progress of migraine research.

In Natter, people were posting bits of poems that they thought were relevant.

More that once since her troubles began, I have thought of ita when reading the closing lines of Stephen Spender's "I think continually of those who were truly great."

The names of those who in their lives fought for life,

Who wore at their hearts the fire’s centre.

Born of the sun, they travelled a short while toward the sun

And left the vivid air signed with their honour.

It's an obvious choice, I guess. But she would have approved of the spelling, and that should count for something.

That does not sound stupid, Betsy.

When I met ita in person (back years ago, with Lee and Burrell and a mix of LAistas) I was surprised at how quiet she was. She was so good at communicating online and so badass that I think I expected her to be all in-your-face in person. The result of her demeanor was that I really wanted to talk to her more and get to know her more, but I was overwhelmed by the whole F2F with everyone and not super-self-confident and so, yeah, regret. I regret that knowing her, I did not know her better.

But it's a regret that people who never knew her at all, never met her or sparred with her verbally or physically, online or in person, it's a regret that they don't have. And I'd much rather have the regret of not knowing her as well as I'd have liked to than the regret of never knowing her at all.

Lapsed Aussie Buffista checking in.. so sad to hear the news. Ita gave me a lot of laughs, and lovely friends through this space. Thinking of everyone close to her. x

I don't know how to deal with the fact that I won't get to read her complaints about ScarJo not being able to do action when the new Avengers movie comes out.

Oh, man. Thank god it's not just me, and that one kept hitting me last night and today because I DISAGREE SO MUCH.

Saw amyparker today, and she sends her sorrow and her love.

I think secretly I always had half an eye on making ita laugh. Like, it's great to be COMM'ed, but if ita laughed...

Yes, this. Getting COMM'd by ita was always a bit more special.

Stupid as it is, it was one of the things that always cracked me up and, to this day, when someone calls Vernor's ginger ale, I get shirty with them about it. Because ita.

I loved that, it inspired a COMM: Cass "Coffee On My Monitor" Jan 9, 2007 3:21:12 pm PST. Erm, three times in a row: Pix "Coffee On My Monitor" Jan 9, 2007 3:20:11 pm PST.

I never met ita face to face. Some of my most enduring memories of her are from her COMMs (because they were hilarious, and thanks to the BRQG I read them over and over). Because she was sharp, and fierce, and so capable, and she was also damn funny. "We must counter pernicious mansplaining with a grandiose vagenda." "No praying during Monopoly! First off, there's no God otherwise there'd be dinosaurs in the Bible, and secondly, if there is, he's not allowed to help your dice roll." "NO ONE IS GAY ENOUGH TO MAKE SHADOW WHITE."

I hope this isn't excessive; but this is how I remember her:

I have heard less whining from guys I have actually smashed in the nuts. It's been years since I've heard a guy pull the "well, excuse *me* for having a penis!" screaming flounce.

I am not Anita. Or Rita. Or Sita, Mr. Spammer. It used to be short for something, but once I got, it's all it needs to be. It's a "t", like in ... let me think ... "tee". And it will keep being a "t", thanks. I know it rhymes with lots of cute things. I also know how to kill you. And if they could find a jury of my peers, I'd get acquitted. It's only three letters. And some of them are vowels! I'm not asking much.

I'm a terrible student. I'm not the lean forward and "Uhuh. Uhuh." sort of student that gives the presenter feedback. I'm the lean back and "You really think so?" sort of person. So when the trainer looks around for validation, my face is painted with "As if. I am stank. I disdain multitudes." where a simple nod would suffice. I'm congenitally designed to think they're going too slowly. Even when I'm completely out of my depth, I'm out of my depth too slowly.

Are you about ready to explain it to those of us less ... well, I have no idea less what, since I have no idea what the hell you're on about? Or do you need some more time to ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

The guy who sold me my car was named Cas(s). I took that as a sign. From above. He gripped me tight and raised me from public transportation.

askye: So who plays Legolas in your Worst Lord of the Rings Ever special?
ita: Carrot Top.

Alibelle: My computer wants to change "Aguilera" to "uglier"
ita: Too late -- her stylist already got there.

Trudy: He might just be the dumbest man alive though.
ita: If you can say that in a world with Keanu, I need cites.

Betsy: Are all Jamaicans dangerous?
ita:All except ... wait, no, we killed him ... yes, we are.

And this one, which is just too long to type out: Polter-Cow "Coffee On My Monitor Again" Nov 27, 2012 3:30:17 pm PST

While looking through the COMMs, there were two that felt especially appropriate concerning ita and this site, which she built:

Pix "Coffee On My Monitor Again" Apr 27, 2013 3:01:17 pm PDT
Nicole "Coffee On My Monitor" Apr 28, 2006 6:58:09 am PDT