Yesterday, I made a new video to introduce Cagney and me to potential landlords, house sitting needers. Whenever I do video, I do full make-up and, for the first time, I used the Black Honey lippy I bought in honor of ita.

I tried to channel her confidence.

It was bittersweet.

I have dug out my Black Honey lippie, and I feel a sweet sad sentimentality whenever I slick it on.

I feel you, bonny.

Matilda has been watching Community lately which means she sings, "Troy and Abed In the Morning!" a lot.

Which makes me think of ita.

There are a lot of things, for me, that still hurt a lot. But I've been wearing a necklace she sent me, which keeps her close.

I use a number of different computers at work, so I've got a picture of ita set as my wallpaper on one. It made me smile with tears at first when I would boot up, now it makes me smile with chest pains, but no tears. It's a picture of her leaning back in a chair or sofa and it makes me feel like I'm sitting there having a conversation with her.

Oh, that's good.

My tube of Black Honey was nearly gone and the new one I ordered just got here. I know how silly it is to not want to throw the empty one away, just because I bought it on her rec, a while back. But I don't want to throw it away. Yet.

I still can't wear her Supernatural shirt I got. I haven't even been able to try it on; it's tucked carefully in a box...and I only now just started watching SPN again. I'll be watching like normal, and this pang will go through me.

I still can't believe she's gone.

And, Bev, I see no need to throw it away. Meaning is meaning.

I got the Night Vale mug today, Lee - thank you so much for sending it.

My tube of Black Honey was nearly gone and the new one I ordered just got here. I know how silly it is to not want to throw the empty one away, just because I bought it on her rec, a while back. But I don't want to throw it away. Yet.

I totally get that.