Oh, wow, that sounds amazing!

ETA The table, not the uncooperative dairy products.

All of that has me seriously looking at money saving options for the next 4-5 years. How much can I sock away? How much would I need for various options?

msbelle, may I suggest talking to a financial planner for answers to those questions? Mine is associated with my insurance company, and I don't pay him anything for his (very good) advice. If I buy a product, which he has not pressured me to do, he gets paid on commission. So, it won't cost you anything, and you might get some very helpful advice and further knowledge about what to do about money.

I'm essentially a single 50-something empty-nester, although I didn't have kids that fled the nest; it's just empty. No, it isn't empty; it's full of my stuff and a bunch of cats. I honestly don't see myself ever getting married. My BFF and I talk about buying a place together after her youngest graduates high school, but I honestly don't know if it's more than a fantasy.

I am babbling. Sorry.

I have a financial guy. I have talked with him, just not yet this specific.

It's funny how many of my friends, not all in the same age bracket, are in this place of "what do I do with my life NOW?" We all had our goals - raise our kids, buy a house, move to NYC, get our degree, travel the world, whatever - and now we've done that, or we will soon finish doing it, and we're finding that we didn't have a plan for life after the accomplishing of our goals.

I feel strangely at a loss lately. I'm coming out of what was a decades-long depression (seen clearly only from the backside, alas) in which I focused solely on work and did nothing else of note. Now, I'm feeling like I've misplaced part of myself and I don't know where to look for it.

we didn't have a plan for life after the accomplishing of our goals.

We were studying the hierarchy of needs in a psych class in college, and I asked the prof what you do once you get to the top of the pyramid, and he acted like no one had ever asked that before. Of course, his answer was "start over", which is kind of depressing.

I want my friends to move in to the houses on my little street. Or pool our resources and buy a big house where we all can live without killing each other.

One of those cute apartment blocks that's essentially bungalows around a central courtyard. That's where I want my close friends and I to end up, if we can't manage the Elder Goth retirement mansion.

Zen, I'm glad you're feeling more relaxed.

JZ, I also agree with -t, Ginger, and Zen. You don't owe Rage!Nurse forgiveness. She's done nothing to actually earn your forgiveness.

One of my writing groups, the ones of us who weren't lesbians did not include husbands in this shared daydream of a farmhouse in the mountains, with wide porches all around, and sheltering trees in front for shade, and room for a garden in back. A place where we could do chores on rotation, and that had nooks and landings and places to sit and read, or write, and we'd all come together for dinner, and wine after, while we read to each other, either something we'd written or something we'd read that was worth sharing. It felt very Buffista-like to me, even while we were building our air castle.

Zen, I'm so sorry about the anxiety, but I'm glad your sister was there and able to help. And that table sounds amazing.

msbelle, I am always awed and inspired by your forethought and determination. I love the idea of you bootling around the country for a year or two before you find the place to settle with a friend or two. With maybe wide porches and a place for a garden.

JZ, -t and Ginger said what I wanted to, as well. Whatever you decide, however you feel, it has no impact on her at all. Be the kindest you can be to yourself--she caused you trauma and misery and you endured it long enough. Let go when you can, but don't make yourself miserable trying to before it's time.

Forgive the lack of graceful segue, but Matt, there's a term for that feline behavior, it's called an attack of the poop demons, which apparently reside in or around the litter box and infect the cat while it's performing its toilette, thus causing it to eject itself forcefully from the box in the effort to escape the poop demon.

One of those cute apartment blocks that's essentially bungalows around a central courtyard.

I am so down for this.

Your forgiveness or lack of it doesn't make any difference to her at this point, and if you're not ready to forgive her, then you aren't; you can't make that happen with moral guilt. (And in my humble opinion, feeling guilty because you can't forgive someone is just a way for them to keep abusing you long after they've gone.)

This. All of this.

I see forgiveness sort of as giving up the right to revenge. Any punishment that can be dealt to an offender becomes the right of the Divine - to teach, or heal, or simply take revenge as Ze sees fit. That does not mean I protect such a person from the natural consequences of their actions, or pretend that one who harmed me is my friend. I dunno how close to genuine forgiveness that is, but in some cases it's the best I can do. And I don't know if that is of any use to you, JZ. You feel what you feel. May there be healing for all broken hearts. May there be repair for all bent, broken, and twisted minds. May love and peace fill up those who do not have a surfeit of them.