I plan to have at least one for breakfast to see if they are okay cold or how they reheat, so probably two

Science!

I feel like I have the opposite story to cultural appropriation, perhaps cultural abandonment. Noah refuses to believe he is Chinese. He has said, on two occasions, "People keep saying I'm Chinese but they are wrong." Essentially. When I tell him he is wrong and ask him what he is, he says, "White" and then offers up his inner arm as proof.

In some ways, it's true that he is culturally midwestern more than anything else. But he doesn't go to Chinese school, I never cook Chinese food, we don't speak Chinese or read it. So, lots of markers of culture for him are missing.

I feel like I'm failing at parenthood. But I too am pretty much Chinese in name only.

It seems like the problem is conflating race and culture, and being a minority. I mean, I'm as German as you are Chinese, but no one on the street would insist that I am German, because I get to be "regular American."

mac would only draw himself as white for at least 3 years after the adoption. He did his 3rd grade multi-cultural day presentation on the US, NY state. He will never volunteer up that he is African, but I just plug away at pride and culture, hoping he gets it from osmosis from the items around our house and the restaurants we eat at. Also me making him watch marathons.

Also, can't being Chinese mean whatever it means to him, later on? Like Jesse said, I'm Irish the way you're Chinese, but it just means (to me) that I have ancestors who experienced a certain type of culture/historical events in Ireland.

Also, you're not failing at parenthood.

I guess, too, I think the most defining part of his life and Grace's life will be growing up as set of twins, one of which has pretty high intensity special needs, to two gay parents. Culture is just going to be lower on his list of identifiers, maybe.

But Noah is so adamant about NOT being Chinese. Then when he is almost ready to admit he is, he will look at Katie and say, "Are you Chinese too?"

Noah's got a lot going on! He'll be fine.

Also, I am reminded of my Memere insisting to me that she was not French, she was American. Now, I realize I should have said French-Canadian, but OK, Memere, lets have some tourtiere and talk about this some more....

Noah's a little kid! He doesn't have to have it all figured out right now. He'll be fine, like Jesse said.

Jesse's grandmother reminds me of mine, who was always and only American. Meanwhile, her sister was Jewish and her mother was Austrian. It's interesting what people will grab onto as their preferred identities, especially when we all really have multiples to choose from.