I will be forever thankful to whatever PTB that I got my dad, and I still offer to loan him to my friends who need a good, supportive parent.

He's a good extra Dad.

And your Mom was really a good person who had a lot of flaws and unacknowledged internal struggles. But one doesn't negate the other. I remember one Mother's Day and I wasn't with either of my Moms but yours was so welcoming and she really made me feel better as a person and daughter that day. It's one of those things I will never forget about her.

Yeah, Laura, sometimes I'm sorry, sometimes I'm really pissed. It depends on if I feel like I need something or not.

I have this memory of one of the times my mother was hospitalized for a "nervous breakdown" of being farmed out to a family friend. She was a kind, caring person who took reasonably good care of me. Don't remember how old I was, four or five, maybe. The thing is, my dad had made arrangements for my two brothers to stay with neighbors down the street who had boys the same age, and my sister went to stay with an aunt and uncle. I wanted to be with my sister so much. Compared to other things that happened in my family that were abusive, this was nothing harmful. But the separation has had its effect on me. I felt cut off from the rest of my family. It echoes down the years for me in ways that no one else feels.

My inner four year old wants to sit and share cookies with all y'all's inner abandoned children.

I'm happy to share my wonderful parents with anyone who needs em. Dad is available on Facebook for scrabble, words with friends, or long thoughtful email (no phone contact, sorry, he still uses dial up *sigh*) and my mom would be thrilled to adopt anyone who is willing to call her and talk endlessly on the phone, or visit her in NoVa. They both have far too much love to give for just me. Well, mom at least, Dad is still a little overwhelmed with the 17 yo but I'm sure would be thrilled to deal with any issues not related to college men romancing his teenage dotr. Surrogate grand babies a plus.

I want to make cookies and cupcakes for everyone. Or maybe baked oatmeal with chocolate chips and coconut oil. Still enjoying that to an almost obscene level.

ION, Dear Self, you can have a glass of fizzy wine with rose syrup and chocolate bitters JUST AS SOON AS YOU FINISH THIS EDIT PASS. You need to send this manuscript back to the author.

Edit an get tasty treats, Jillibrain. It's a win. You complete a task and get fizzy adult noms.

I find myself saying, out loud, "Oh Sweetie, it's okay."

I have zero idea where that came from because no adult I ever knew spoke to me that way.

Guardian Angel? Just a theory.

My parents are well-meaning (most of the time) but soooo far removed from the rest of the humans. Bless 'em.

One thing that struck me, Tep, was

when your mother says she's a GREAT mother (without a trace of irony) because we have a roof over our heads and food to eat and she doesn't bring home men who beat us, maybe she's wrong about being GREAT."

DAMN, she must have been carrying a hell of a lot of damage and baggage of her own, and DAMN, I'm glad therapy's now more of an option for people.

Oh, yes. My grandpa makes the Great Santini look like Father of the Goddamn Year. I used to wonder why my mom married my dad, when they were so clearly unsuited for each other. And one day it occurred to me: she would have done ANYTHING, even marry a man not well-suited to her, to get out of my grandpa's house. No question.

Lot of damage in this family. No surprise it's rife with addicts and crazy people.

So, yeah. Appropriately enough, my dad did it again to me today. This evening. And he's triggered some very strong, angry, hurt feelings, and made me feel like a three year old who's fucking everything up again. I'm really having a massive anger reaction, and it's causing me major problems this evening.

I just can't even.

Looks like the "Go Back to School" plan is going to be aborted before it even starts, because "I don't have a plan that he can see."

The only reason I'm not crying or screaming and breaking shit right now is because I'm so far beyond upset, I can't figure out which I want to do.