ION, Dear Self, you can have a glass of fizzy wine with rose syrup and chocolate bitters JUST AS SOON AS YOU FINISH THIS EDIT PASS. You need to send this manuscript back to the author.

Edit an get tasty treats, Jillibrain. It's a win. You complete a task and get fizzy adult noms.

I find myself saying, out loud, "Oh Sweetie, it's okay."

I have zero idea where that came from because no adult I ever knew spoke to me that way.

Guardian Angel? Just a theory.

My parents are well-meaning (most of the time) but soooo far removed from the rest of the humans. Bless 'em.

One thing that struck me, Tep, was

when your mother says she's a GREAT mother (without a trace of irony) because we have a roof over our heads and food to eat and she doesn't bring home men who beat us, maybe she's wrong about being GREAT."

DAMN, she must have been carrying a hell of a lot of damage and baggage of her own, and DAMN, I'm glad therapy's now more of an option for people.

Oh, yes. My grandpa makes the Great Santini look like Father of the Goddamn Year. I used to wonder why my mom married my dad, when they were so clearly unsuited for each other. And one day it occurred to me: she would have done ANYTHING, even marry a man not well-suited to her, to get out of my grandpa's house. No question.

Lot of damage in this family. No surprise it's rife with addicts and crazy people.

So, yeah. Appropriately enough, my dad did it again to me today. This evening. And he's triggered some very strong, angry, hurt feelings, and made me feel like a three year old who's fucking everything up again. I'm really having a massive anger reaction, and it's causing me major problems this evening.

I just can't even.

Looks like the "Go Back to School" plan is going to be aborted before it even starts, because "I don't have a plan that he can see."

The only reason I'm not crying or screaming and breaking shit right now is because I'm so far beyond upset, I can't figure out which I want to do.

I find myself saying, out loud, "Oh Sweetie, it's okay."

I have zero idea where that came from because no adult I ever knew spoke to me that way.

Guardian Angel? Just a theory.

You might just be on to something there, omnis. I'm going to go with that.

He wouldn't be the first to rewrite history.

So, like, mine is not the only family that rewrites their personal history? My mom and my gram could do it on the fly; they could re-remember shit that happened, like, yesterday. My sister does the same thing, while also knowing that they did it; this makes me scared that I'M doing it and I don't even know it. And the abusive spouse who kept contradicting things I was certain of...whoa. I'm basically helping to gaslight myself. I'm near-obsessive about getting proof of even trivial things, and that's probably where it comes from.

WindSparrow, you made me realize something I'd never thought of before. When I was four, my parents divorced and we moved in with my mom's parents, and I never saw my father again. (Not that that was a bad thing; even at four, I knew we were all better off without him.) That was in spring, and in the fall, my sister went to college and never lived with us again. Basically, in a few months, I lost my father, my home, and my sister, and started living in a strange place with a couple people who clearly didn't entirely want me there. Even not missing him at all, it was a huge upset in my life. I've honestly never before thought about what an effect that must have had on an already-insecure four-year-old.

Apparently this is Sudden Self-knowledge Wednesday.

Sean, I have an urge to hunt him down and beat some sense into him for you.

Zenkitty, I hope that realization brings some healing for you.

my dad was kind of lost when he had teen age daughters - happily by the time my youngest sister was in college - he had just learned to deal. the worst thing about them - is they wanted me to eat everything on my plate. I like food, so I did. best memory - my dad sad something to me about me not being responsible. I got up and left the table (probably with some drama) . He came and got me an d apologized. mom and dad are my friends. they worked together. they had goal s to raise their children to be independent adults. ot perfect, everyone has their issues and baggage - but reallythey did good. so I share them with all of you.