I had a dream this morning, I really want to tell you about and I'm trying to figure out how to do so briefly...avoiding being boring.
It began on that misty-white plain that stands in for Heaven or the afterlife...where Mr. Jordan trod, for the elders among us.
I found myself in a small, plain room with a round table that took up most of the space.
Around the table sat all the significant characters in my family: Father, mother, step-mother, her mother, Aunt Mary, and a few others.
I took the opportunity to thank each of them for the things they gave me, for better or worse.
As I spoke to each of them, they walked out a door too my right, into the misty plain.
After the last one left, I went to close the door and discovered my father’s mother hiding behind it.
I had not seen her before. She is always the sneaky one. The one with whom I have never reconciled in my heart. I just can't conjure an excuse for her behavior and have not one single positive memory of her.
I just looked at her in dismay, struggling to find something to say. She has always been the hiding place for my non-forgiveness. I stopped, took a breath and then was able to say, “I keep a clean house because of you. I do crossword puzzles because of you.” And then I shuttled her out of the room.
When I turned around to look at the empty table, but there was something new there.
A cake. Round and just the right size for the group. It was frosted in brown with a word piped on the top. “Debt”.
I turned to the open door and called everyone back. “Come back here. Come right back. This is here because of you. You have to eat it.”
They all came back and everyone took a piece. Some ate it right way and left their plates, heading out the door again. Some took the full plates with them.
I went to the table, to clean up and noticed that the cake serving plate was like you’d expect. Frosting left over…but there was also a chunk of cake left. As if someone only took 2/3 of their slice.
Just as I wondered how I could clean it up, Bartleby ran into the room. He hadn’t been there before, but just like in life, he was there for me 100%. I makes me cry every time I think of it. I put the plate on the floor and he cleaned it up withthe same loving gusto as ever. He looked up at me and then ran out of the room.
It struck me that he did not inflict any of the damage on me that the others had, but that he was there to heal me. And he did.