Yep. I'm instituting a moratorium on the instant yes.

Right now, I really need to figure out how to get over myself.

I'm awake in the middle of the night, fuming and burning my stomach, because I'm so angry with the former friend for being who she is...which is not actually worth my time or pain.

It doesn't matter how right I am or how petty she is...all that matters is what I do from this point forward.

And what I'm doing is being petty.

Blergh.

Bonny I don't think you're being petty. It's hurtful to have people you think you have a trusting, loving friendship with turn out to be something other than you thought. It's been happening to me, lately, and I realize that it's just plain old hurt. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You're on the right track with learning to set boundaries. It will get better.

it's just plain old hurt

This is totally it. Logically, I realize that, but it's not powering down my useless indignation.

Thanks for the virtual hug, java. I sincerely appreciate both the sentiment and the validation.

Remember bonny, that holding on to that resentment is letting someone who wronged you live rent-free in your head (awkward paraphrase of Dear Abby or Ann Landers). When I find myself dwelling on something, good or bad, I'll try to use it as a trigger for positive thought in a different direction. (I first started this technique when I was seeing a new guy and was annoying even myself with my constant thoughts of him, so I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else. It was great! Helped me to stop obsessing over him, and I felt good about praying for so many others that I'd usually be "too busy" to focus on). Maybe you can use it as a reminder to focus positive energy, take a deep breath, think positive thoughts about loved ones or friends (who don't suck), or some variation thereof.

Oooh, I like that idea, Epic. I am having lots of stress and resentment at/about work, so when I catch myself ruminating (as opposed to pondering constructive solutions) on the work stress I will take a moment to find something to be thankful for. Deliberate gratitude has helped me manage stress in the past, but I have been lazy about it lately.

I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else.

That is an awesome plan, Epic!

And by that, I mean, I am full of awe at its wisdom and usefulness.

Thank you so much. I'm totally doing that.

In the meanwhile, I watched a tv show and ate a lot of bread with almond butter. It sufficiently distracted me to stop the raging.

Now, I'm going to go back to bed and, no doubt, pray for a lot of people who might not otherwise get my focus.

I'm actually feeling really good about this plan.

Did I say thank you? Let me say it again! Not only to Epic for this timely idea, but for all the support, wisdom and [fill in the blank with whatever mushy stuff you can tolerate].

I am truly grateful.

Thank you so much.

You're totally welcome! You know I love to help! ;)

I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else.

This is brilliant!

You know I love to help! ;)

I see what you did there.

Yes, it is surely a lesson I can use as well. I hadn't heard it phrased "holding on to that resentment is letting someone who wronged you live rent-free in your head" before. There are a whole lot of better things to have in my head than poison relationships.

I needed to read all this today. Down on myself and frustrated with clients. bonny, I hope you got some good, healing sleep.