it's just plain old hurt

This is totally it. Logically, I realize that, but it's not powering down my useless indignation.

Thanks for the virtual hug, java. I sincerely appreciate both the sentiment and the validation.

Remember bonny, that holding on to that resentment is letting someone who wronged you live rent-free in your head (awkward paraphrase of Dear Abby or Ann Landers). When I find myself dwelling on something, good or bad, I'll try to use it as a trigger for positive thought in a different direction. (I first started this technique when I was seeing a new guy and was annoying even myself with my constant thoughts of him, so I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else. It was great! Helped me to stop obsessing over him, and I felt good about praying for so many others that I'd usually be "too busy" to focus on). Maybe you can use it as a reminder to focus positive energy, take a deep breath, think positive thoughts about loved ones or friends (who don't suck), or some variation thereof.

Oooh, I like that idea, Epic. I am having lots of stress and resentment at/about work, so when I catch myself ruminating (as opposed to pondering constructive solutions) on the work stress I will take a moment to find something to be thankful for. Deliberate gratitude has helped me manage stress in the past, but I have been lazy about it lately.

I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else.

That is an awesome plan, Epic!

And by that, I mean, I am full of awe at its wisdom and usefulness.

Thank you so much. I'm totally doing that.

In the meanwhile, I watched a tv show and ate a lot of bread with almond butter. It sufficiently distracted me to stop the raging.

Now, I'm going to go back to bed and, no doubt, pray for a lot of people who might not otherwise get my focus.

I'm actually feeling really good about this plan.

Did I say thank you? Let me say it again! Not only to Epic for this timely idea, but for all the support, wisdom and [fill in the blank with whatever mushy stuff you can tolerate].

I am truly grateful.

Thank you so much.

You're totally welcome! You know I love to help! ;)

I made the rule that whenever I caught myself thinking of him, I had to take a moment to pray for someone else.

This is brilliant!

You know I love to help! ;)

I see what you did there.

Yes, it is surely a lesson I can use as well. I hadn't heard it phrased "holding on to that resentment is letting someone who wronged you live rent-free in your head" before. There are a whole lot of better things to have in my head than poison relationships.

I needed to read all this today. Down on myself and frustrated with clients. bonny, I hope you got some good, healing sleep.

You know I love to help! ;)

I see what you did there.

Me too.

I didn't actually sleep much, smonster, but I did get very relaxed by Epic's suggestion.

Later, I went see the massage therapist/healer from last week who validated every single thing said here. (without me telling her how awesome/insightful you all are)

She really stressed exactly what Typo said with regards to waiting before saying yes to anything. Plus, that there is a middle ground between letting people take advantage of me and being a banshee.

When we were done, she began changing the sheets on her table. Unconsciously, I leaned over to help finish the sheet. She shrieked at me, "STOP HELPING!, I'm here to help you."

Honestly. I don't even know how.

You are helping people by allowing them to be helpful and useful, and returning the million gestures of friendship you have extended to them over the course of your relationship.