Whoa, bonny. I feel you, muchly. I had a roommate once, who didn't wear deodorant or antiperspirant, and I suspect didn't shower often either. She smelled bad. I didn't say anything. I figured it wasn't my business, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Finally one day I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who was apparently oblivious to the smell of her, that I was getting to the point I couldn't stand it anymore but I didn't know how to deal with it. He walked up to her and told her she stank and I was bothered and she should bathe more! Oh holy shit. I was mortified. She was furious. He didn't understand why we were mad. And of course she was mad at ME, not him. She didn't change her habits, and she moved out shortly thereafter.

I think you handled it as well as possible. You could have lied, but what lie could you have told that would have covered all subsequent visits? "The couch cover's in the laundry. Yeah, forever." If she chooses not to wear anti-stink stuff, then she has to be aware that she's going to stink. Humans are stinky. Getting hurt is a normal reaction, but she ought not blame you; it was her decision.

If her hair is often greasy, then she's either wearing too much hair product or she's not showering often enough, which would lead one to suspect depression, which is... sad, but not a reason for you to suffer the stink. Just because her smell is natural, doesn't mean she should expect everyone to enjoy it. Also also, there's no real evidence that antiperspirants cause cancer, and there's never been any evidence that deodorants do. Even if she's still wary of antiperspirants, there are lots of perfectly harmless deodorants she could try. She needs to deal with her hygiene. Stinking out loud and expecting everyone around her to be totally fine with it is not reasonable.

Zen, no hair product. Like me, she wears no makeup and is immune to fashion.

I do think she is depressed. Which says to me that her medication needs adjusting. But, it's also true that, when she is feeling low, she comes to me, and we work it out until she feels balanced. Or maybe she's just pretending that she feels better.

In any case, this has been a long-standing issue for which I can only do so much.

Now that I'm past the pissed off phase, I'm just sad that after everything we've been through together and how much I have helped/supported her, my asking for a simple thing can shake her so badly.

I suppose it is arrogant of me to think, 'but it's ME! I've loved and supported you for a decade. When do I get the benefit of the doubt that I'd never purposely hurt you?'

erika, I can't imagine a care provider not, you know caring. That's even more offensive to my way of thinking.

I suppose it is arrogant of me to think, 'but it's ME! I've loved and supported you for a decade. When do I get the benefit of the doubt that I'd never purposely hurt you?

Some people are very sensitive to body image criticism, or what they perceive as crit. I've had to address BO issues with employees, and it's awkward, but my tutoring program with him as the tutor was losing clients because he smelled SO. VERY.AWFUL. It lingered in our whole large office after he came in to consult or drop off paperwork.

She's your business partner, or at least a colleague who shares office space. It's her obligation to present a professional front to clients, and that includes appropriate hygiene. You are in the right.

I wish I could come in as a one-time client for her, and leave after 10 minutes after telling her, "I'm very sorry, but I can't concentrate on my issues because your body odor is overpowering, it's unprofessional, and I need to leave. I won't be using your services again, and will recommend to friends and acquaintances not to use your services. You are an excellent coach, but your hygiene is so distracting I can't focus."

(If you were rich, fly me to DC, I'll do it, AND I'll stand in as a stellar dog walker until you can hire 4 peeps! ;) )

Yeah, I'm a bitch and wouldn't put up with that shit. Take more frequent showers or quit reading hippie websites about cancer, or use something natural, whatever--but I don't work with stinky.

Wrod, meara!

What everyone said, bonny. I never know how to address these issues myself, but I'm aware that I sweat a lot, so for me, it's showers and deodorants before work/full day out and sometimes I'll use it again if I have to. I'm sensitive to a bizarre selection of smells, of myself and others. But I never knew how to tell others that their smell is too strong, whether it was due to lack of showers or too much perfume.

Oh! i forgot to say, Shir, that your new kitties are gorgeous,and I wish you years of happiness, laughter and love with them. They are both so very pretty!

(And you KNOW if you have cat questions, you have a plethora od cat-lovin' Buffistas to hook you up with answers!)

Believe me, once stink is in upholstery, it's a pain to get out. My favorite recliner has picked up a funk, and Lysol, baking soda, and Febreeze have failed to remove it. My next attemp to defunk will involve cheap vodka in a spray bottle, a trick a costumer friend recommended.

According to Mythbusters, cheap vodka is a miracle substance.