I know it is fine to not be okay right now, but I still feel people are expecting me to reassure them that I'm fine.

Reassuring other people is NOT your priority right now. It's not even close to the top of your list.

sj, you're going through major mess. Take care of yourself!

Other people can wait.

I know it is fine to not be okay right now, but I still feel people are expecting me to reassure them that I'm fine.

What everyone else says. I like using the "No, but I will be" line to gently push people away and hopefully shut the conversation down.

This reminds me of the post that Allie Brosh did about depression after she came back to Hyperbole and a Half after a long hiatus:

I was also extremely ill-prepared for the position of comforting people. The things that seemed reassuring at the time weren't necessarily comforting for others...I had so very few feelings, and everyone else had so many, and it felt like they were having all of them in front of me at once. I didn't really know what to do, so I agreed to see a doctor so that everyone would stop having all of their feelings at me.

Nora, I just read that book recently, and I love her writing about depression. But I never truly understood the numb/not feeling anything that she was talking about, until now. Usually my depression is all about the feeling too much.

sj, I am so sorry about all of the uncertainty. So much love to you and TCG.

I'm so sorry, sj. {{sj and TCG}}

Argh, you guys, my poor dad. He called me earlier to tell me that my aunt, his oldest sister (80-ish years old) was having knee replacement surgery today, and her heart stopped. Her granddaughter called him while the surgical team was still working, because what my dad said is that she isn't expected to survive, not that she had already died. But it doesn't sound good. And then he had to get off the phone because he had to go to work. Right after finding out his sister was probably dead. I feel so bad for him.

So I guess he'll find out for sure after work and call me later. I guess 80-ish isn't bad for a Lang, especially one who's had heart attacks and strokes. Still, that sucks. And Dad keeps losing siblings.

And I'm constantly amazed that he just keeps on trucking after 5 heart attacks. If I inherited his heart disease, I sure hope I also inherited his ability to shrug off a heart attack.

I'm sorry, Teppy! Peace and comfort to your dad and the rest of your family.

Oh, Tep, your poor dad and his poor sister. And poor you, because you worry for his worries too.

Much ~ma and warm thoughts for you, your dad, and your whole family, Steph.