I think the doctor's attitude is also informing your friend's attitude. He clearly doesn't think it's a big deal, so why should she?
Spike? It's you. It's really you! My therapist thought I was holding on to false hope, but…I knew you'd come back. You're like…you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful than ever. Oh…he's alive Frodo. He's alive.
Andrew ,'Damage'
Spike's Bitches 48: I Say, We Go Out There, and Kick a Little Demon Ass.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Nora Deirdre - May 19, 2014 8:34:45 am PDT #10873 of 30002
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
Connie Neil - May 19, 2014 8:51:32 am PDT #10874 of 30002
brillig
We went to see Hubby's sister the other day, had a genial chat, when out of the blue she turns to me and says, "I'm so grateful you didn't leave him." I blinked at her in shock. "So many women would have just left him after he was diagnosed," she went on, "and you could have done that--" "No, I couldn't!" I said. "--but you've stuck with him, and I'm just so grateful." I looked at Hubby, and he just kind of shrugged, and we moved on.
Yes, there are horrific homo sapiens out there who abandon people when life gets tough, but I profoundly resented the thought that I would have considered such a thing. That she thinks I contemplated that choice utterly boggles me. She meant it in all approval, but damn.
Laura - May 19, 2014 9:41:01 am PDT #10875 of 30002
Our wings are not tired.
"I'm so grateful you didn't leave him." I blinked at her in shock.
I got this A LOT when Stephen was diagnosed with AIDS. Including from his family members. His brother pretty much yelled at him and called him a selfish jerk for not immediately divorcing me and setting me free. That kind of thing never crossed my mind. Not only did I believe in the whole in sickness and in health thing, but there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be. Of course it just added to his wrongheaded sense of guilt for putting me through it, like he had a choice here.
Calli - May 19, 2014 9:57:28 am PDT #10876 of 30002
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs
"I'm so grateful you didn't leave him." I blinked at her in shock.
I'm pretty sure you're not Newt Gingrich.
Scrappy - May 19, 2014 10:00:00 am PDT #10877 of 30002
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Some people do that, though. We have a friend whose husband left her after she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. "I didn't sign on for this" were his words. She eventually made a miraculous recovery and has been happily remarried for 10 years, but, man.
Connie Neil - May 19, 2014 10:08:00 am PDT #10878 of 30002
brillig
Of course it just added to his wrongheaded sense of guilt for putting me through it, like he had a choice here.
This. Oh, this. Hubby, shut up already.
beekaytee - May 19, 2014 10:10:55 am PDT #10879 of 30002
Compassionately intolerant
Scrappy, bless her HEART!
Wow. What a way to learn some pretty tough truths about life. I'm so glad she found someone else. Clearly, the right someone else.
When I took care of my great aunt during her dying process, so many people said things like, 'you are young, you shouldn't be doing this, put her in a place where the _professionals_ can care for her.'
I could not imagine a greater betrayal than that.
Of course, there are lots of reasons why a person cannot, or should not, make such a commitment but 'this is unexpected' doesn't seem to be one of them!
DavidS - May 19, 2014 10:29:36 am PDT #10880 of 30002
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
My ex-GF from college, Julia, was also abandoned by her husband during her cancer treatment because "he was tired of his life being defined by her cancer."
Nora Deirdre - May 19, 2014 10:43:17 am PDT #10881 of 30002
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
abandoned by her husband during her cancer treatment because "he was tired of his life being defined by her cancer."
OMG I HATE THE HUMAN RACE.
beekaytee - May 19, 2014 10:59:13 am PDT #10882 of 30002
Compassionately intolerant
Oh. good. lord.
Defined by her cancer? What a jackhole.
On the other end of the spectrum, I know a woman who began a relationship with a fellow and less than three months in, she got a cancer diagnosis.
He moved her into his house, took the best care of her he could and, despite some ups and downs, 5 years later, they are still together. Engaged even.
He was never defined by what was afflicting her.