I have the opposite problem -- nurses look at my weight and reach for the large cuff, even though that one covers my entire arm from shoulder to elbow, and thus gives totally screwed-up readings. (It also wraps around far too much, because they don't seem to realize that, while my BMI puts me as obese, my weight is not in my arms, and even if I were completely "normally" proportioned, I'm still 4'10".)

Even if the doctor doesn't know why your np is high, it is best. To get it down. One of the things they think is that people that have white coat syndrome, have tendencies toward getting high blood pressure.

Yeah, I'm on beta blockers now (mainly for migraines, but also for the BP) which can't hurt.

Doctors have re-taken my blood pressure a few times in one appointment - they find it varies a lot, but they're not too interested in why this might be.

Hi, Seska! It's great to see you!

Hey, Jilli, is this the kind of thing you were looking for a while back? May be too big for you.

[link]

Serious question. How do I convince someone that mental illness is real? A friend had a parent with a big problem. The parent has been on medications for decades but it has become much worse. Curled in the dark room crying, can't stay home, has to stay with her daughter the last few months, personal hygiene issues, and much more. My friend started out caring and nurturing, but at this point she has adapted a different attitude. She now has taken the attitude that mom is just felling sorry for herself, or faking it, and just needs to buck up.

I have tried to explain that NO ONE would chose to be that miserable. That it is no different than cancer or heart disease and you can't just buck up. She insists that she certainly does all the time and mom should too. It could be that she is simply exhausted after dealing with this for so long and mom certainly does need more help than she can provide. The doctor mom sees once a month just checks her long med list once a month. Daughter has told him repeatedly how bad it is, but he just says things like "we will have to watch that".

I just don't know what I can do to help, but everyone is miserable here.

That sounds like a bad situation, Laura. If someone doesn't want to believe in mental illness, it can be hard to change their minds. But one thing I might suggest would be getting her mom to a different doctor. The current one doesn't seem to be addressing the problem. And if there's a long list of meds, there could be some interaction issues that the current doctor isn't aware of. A new doctor might be more responsive and understand the med issues better, and s/he might also be able to give some MD weight on the fact that mental illness really is a thing.

Hi, Seska! It's great to see you!

Hi!

(I have resolved to be here a bit more. I miss you all!)

Serious question. How do I convince someone that mental illness is real?

Ugh. That sounds... awful - what she's dealing with in terms of the illness, and also in terms of the stigma.

Can you give friend stuff to read, that makes it clear that, while some people can 'buck up' when dealing with problems, that's a lot harder when there's a real illness involved?

I can try that Seska. And clearly a chance in doctors is required, Calli. Of course knowing who is going to be a good one and getting mom to go are challenges.

Partly I think that my friend is overwhelmed after 6 months of care in her home and is in denial herself at this point.

Laura, I think your suspicion of fatigue is probably right. Add to that, a short-term thing would make an adult child feel useful, needed, and good about herself. But a long-term commitment like that brings out some resentment of having to parent a parent, with no parent there to support the daughter.

I hope that was follow-able. It's a very real thing to feel, in that situation, and the daughter may not even be consciously aware of it. But addressing it with a counselor, or even a trusted, knowledgeable friend, could be helpful.

I certainly wish the best, for both of them.

I support everything Calli and Beverly have said.

Compassion fatigue is just as real a thing as mental illness and though I would not advocate for equating the two, it might be useful to focus on coping skills for long-term caregivers.

There are often resources in hospital patient support programs...groups, readings, respite care, etc.

A different doctor is a good idea too, if that is possible. Sometimes, care plans become super entrenched in despair and new energy can help.

The thing is, convincing the daughter about the reality of mental illness is probably not actually possible and distracts from the true need here, which is to support the daughter in dealing with the reality of the situation.

In truth, if she thinks her mother is faking for attention, or whatever, there is something far deeper going on that can only be addressed if the daughter believes in the possibility of feeling differently.

In the meanwhile, I'm sending good thoughts for the mom.