"I'm so grateful you didn't leave him." I blinked at her in shock.

I got this A LOT when Stephen was diagnosed with AIDS. Including from his family members. His brother pretty much yelled at him and called him a selfish jerk for not immediately divorcing me and setting me free. That kind of thing never crossed my mind. Not only did I believe in the whole in sickness and in health thing, but there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be. Of course it just added to his wrongheaded sense of guilt for putting me through it, like he had a choice here.

"I'm so grateful you didn't leave him." I blinked at her in shock.

I'm pretty sure you're not Newt Gingrich.

Some people do that, though. We have a friend whose husband left her after she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. "I didn't sign on for this" were his words. She eventually made a miraculous recovery and has been happily remarried for 10 years, but, man.

Of course it just added to his wrongheaded sense of guilt for putting me through it, like he had a choice here.

This. Oh, this. Hubby, shut up already.

Scrappy, bless her HEART!

Wow. What a way to learn some pretty tough truths about life. I'm so glad she found someone else. Clearly, the right someone else.

When I took care of my great aunt during her dying process, so many people said things like, 'you are young, you shouldn't be doing this, put her in a place where the _professionals_ can care for her.'

I could not imagine a greater betrayal than that.

Of course, there are lots of reasons why a person cannot, or should not, make such a commitment but 'this is unexpected' doesn't seem to be one of them!

My ex-GF from college, Julia, was also abandoned by her husband during her cancer treatment because "he was tired of his life being defined by her cancer."

abandoned by her husband during her cancer treatment because "he was tired of his life being defined by her cancer."

OMG I HATE THE HUMAN RACE.

Oh. good. lord.

Defined by her cancer? What a jackhole.

On the other end of the spectrum, I know a woman who began a relationship with a fellow and less than three months in, she got a cancer diagnosis.

He moved her into his house, took the best care of her he could and, despite some ups and downs, 5 years later, they are still together. Engaged even.

He was never defined by what was afflicting her.

It never even occurred to me to walk away from Rob when he was diagnosed with cancer. Did I worry about how we were going to pay for treatment? Yes, but I never dreamed of walking out the door. It actually helped us to start the process of repairing our relationship in a weird way. (We won't discuss all of the crap I found out after he died....)

This conversation is why I always feel obliged to show respect and gratitude to people who do the right thing by the people they love. It's not because I thought they might not rise to the occasion, but because I know that some cannot or do not, and those that do should be honored.