Agree with sarameg!

I have things I'm perseverating on that I need to let go. Except Katie and the kids are camping with Lori out at Joshua Tree and I'm home alone because I taught at UCLA today.

I'm feeling helpless and fat and blarghy. And I just want to take an ambien and go to sleep. But it's not even 7:00 PM yet.

Perseverate! That's the word I learned from you that I forgot.

Anyway, let the things go. You are not helpless and fat and blarghy. You are awesomeness.

My dad says he doesn't like garlic, but then he really likes the flavor of some of those microwave meal-in-a-bag that have garlic sauce. I think it's just that actual garlic cloves are too strong for him, but when it's infused into butter or cream it's thinned enough to be tasty.

You're sweet, Liese.

I'm definitely helpless in the two situations I can't let go of. (one is that the top box on the car that K was driving collapses and Grace's clothes, trach ties, g-tube pads all went flying out. K has some extra but she chose to stay out there and now I'm worried about Grace). Blargh.

Also, I'm working too much, but not working smart and I have too much on my plate regarding work. I need to rebalance my work life some how.

Happy Birthday Amy!

Oh, yeah, that kind of helpless sucks. Blargh. I commiserate instead of placate!

Yeah, I have waaay too much on my plate right now too. But I sort of did it to myself by not being able to work through the crises of the past couple of months. But I guess I'm doing what I can at the moment, which is all I can do, I suppose.

...which is the most apathetic zen I have ever uttered. Heh.

So, I've been wondering if I am just shockingly zen or completely detached. I've been thinking about how for 6+ years now, I've been on a cycle of focused only on this day. Today I will X, Y, Z. I can't worry about what I didn't do or what I should have done. Regrets are for people with more energy. All I can do is this. Whatever this is.

K sort of has PTSD about the whole NICU/preemie thing and I just... don't. I'm like, yeah, that was hard, but it was also amazing. Instead of crying for no reason, I just avoid calling and making appointments because it seems so hard to figure out.

And the work stuff. I HAVE to begin to either say no or to figure out what else I can do to make my life easier. I'd like to co-teach my AP Lit class next year because I'm doing a crap ass job right now. I used to co-teach my dunderhead classes but I don't anymore. I feel particularly ineffectual right now.

"I mean, if we had a room full of jazz greats in here, we'd play the s*** out of that tune."

Well They Oughta!

Also, I have to pack up my wedding gown and send it to this woman who makes Angel Gowns out of them. What's an angel gown? A burial dress for babies who die in the NICU. It sounds gruesome, but most preemies don't fit into clothes, so she cuts up wedding gowns and makes them something beautiful to be buried in.

eta Also, if you've just lost a baby, it probably sucks to go into a baby store to buy baby clothes that probably won't fit anyway.

I totally would send my wedding dress to them - if I still had it. That is an amazing project.