That breast thing would probably result in me giving what I'd be sure was a completely withering stare, but everyone would think I was slightly hypoxic. There's not enough "fuck you asshole" for that.

Okay, so I sent off the "will everyone play?" email. We shall see. It will have to be all of us. Her guest list is: one sister, one first cousin, one second cousin once removed, two bachelor's degree friends, one master's degree ex-BF and intermittent FB (but not this weekend--they're not allowed), and one grownup not at school friend. I have not met the guy. He's really brave. I don't know how many of us he knows. Can't be more than half.

Everyone kisses everyone on Dallas. Maybe I'm face blind to them. It makes no sense.

He is impossibly pretty.

Yeah, when I get overwhelmed with the Jensen Ackles, I think..."But Bomer..." and the world is just crazy.

He's just being gorgeous again, and I'm beginning to get suspicious. It doesn't seem right.

I was talking about TV shows on USA with my new coworker. He's male, has a girlfriend, and I presume straight from the way he said that even he had to admit that Matt Bomer was impossibly attractive. My response was basically, "This is a true fact."

I have food now. Tofu and eggplant, and fried rice. Food makes things slightly better.

Bomer's gorgeousness is deeply suspicious. And yet, I might be willing to let him get away with whatever he's pulling.

I have to do a sign language review of this play. I think I'm going to end up fingerspelling "gender essentialist" and "heteronormative."

I'm not going to lie, I would love to see the signs for those two concepts.

I'm eating half a cantaloupe and have an ear of sweet corn roasting in the oven which I shall slather with butter and garlic.

If I get hungry later, I have a choice of leftover curry, a vat of homemade garlic cilantro hummus and an epic amount of cucumber, or chocolate strawberry gelato.

I think I could fake something for "gender essentialist" out of "men do this, women do that, and they're always different," but I don't think I know enough signs to figure out "heteronormative."

I can't work out the minimum number of plants Russell Brand needed to make that episode of BrandX work. Does he need all the volunteers to be plants--2 porn actresses, 1 potential BJ receiver, and 1 prude? By the end it seems clear that he's wrapping either his comedy in commentary-lite or his commentary-lite in comedy, with porn all over--I can't work out which he's using to sell which. Still, he's consistently amusing to me, and he likes big words--they're cute on him.

Heteronormative seems to be a fairly recent coining, so I could see if it's not an easy sign.

When a different nurse came in to give me my third dose, I told him I'd been having girl times with the other nurse (I know he's straight--he's talked to me about his girlfriend before) so I told him that clearing the bar involved drooling over Chris Evans, and he seemed pretty okay with it.

A good nurse is a giver, you know?

How polyglottish are real "secret" agents? I watch Nikita and Covert Affairs, and they speak all the languages all the time. Come on, guys, use a phrasebook a little more often, willya?

It has also occurred to me that if I watch all of Arrested Development before the 12th, that will be a good gift for her. And the shirts should totally say something AD-related. The first cousin on the guest list is her AD-buddy. Yikes. I'm gonna have to focus on that.