{{Maria}} I can come out and help, too, Maria. You don't have to do this alone.

Maria, love, being strong sometimes means knowing when you need help, and asking for it. (((Maria)))

I wish I could do something, Maria. Take advantage of the people who offer to help. It's so much easier when there's someone there to keep you focused on the task.

About the third thing I did after being diagnosed was get a new will designed to make things as simple as possible for my family. (Note to self: Must add Mr Peabody to the will.)

He has so much crap everywhere I'm paralyzed by the thought of having to go through it.

Take advantage of the offers to help. People who can sort things for you when you can't deal are a good thing.

And, from the helper perspective, it's soothing to have something practical and useful to do when someone you love is grieving, and all you want to do is make something better somehow.

I'm sorry about all the extra things you have to deal with, Maria. Even though he had a will, my Dad's stuff was pretty messy, and it took my sister and I, a cousin, and a local church group a goodly while to sort through everything. I still have boxes of papers I should shred/dispose of. If you have people who can just sort things into piles--must be dealt with this month, keep for taxes, deal with in the fall, etc.--that might be helpful. And if you need to walk down to a nearby river and throw his shoes into it while yelling profanities, it won't hurt a thing.

Ginger, truck-loads of it's-nothing~ma to you

I still can't go down into the basement. I'm sleeping on the couch with the light and the tv on. He has so much crap everywhere I'm paralyzed by the thought of having to go through it.

I look at the amount of stuff Hubby has, his gaming stuff and his SCA stuff, and I can't imaging if I had to deal with it on my own. So much sympathy.

Gah. I've somehow ended up in the "how to negotiate an interfaith relationship" conversation with a guy on OK Cupid that I've just been chatting with for about a week. I guess it's good to figure this stuff out before getting in too deep, but still, it's making me want to run around in circles and flail my hands and it's scary.

And, from the helper perspective, it's soothing to have something practical and useful to do when someone you love is grieving, and all you want to do is make something better somehow.

Absolutely.

And if you need to walk down to a nearby river and throw his shoes into it while yelling profanities, it won't hurt a thing.

That is an oddly specific piece of advice...

Speaking of help... I'm writing a letter of reference for a dear friend, one of my students from Peace Corps. Would anyone be willing to beta sometime in the next few days? I'm planning to have a first draft no later than Saturday (maybe as early as tonight) and it's due Monday, so I want to submit Sunday.

Aims, I'm glad it went well. And yes, what's it about the tiny feet?

I just spent a lot of time looking at the floor. Mostly it was an aside.

DBT, huh? I should look that up.

{{{Maria}}} Echoing what everyone else has said - you do not have to do this alone. It is overwhelming and raw and painful. Please get some help and make sure the things you do are in smallish chunks and not a lot all at once, ok? Love you, bella.