I think that for the even slightly averse, Valentine's Day isn't about wanting to be with someone today, it's 365 days worth saved up into one gesture--proactive, not retroactive. So I can totally see why he might want to be all "The 14th!??! Seriously? Slipped my mind..."

I strongly advised bon not to go on a first date with an online meetup on Feb 14th, which reminds me, I should tell her congrats on the anniversary of first meeting her husband in person.

Basically--to people like me, staying hush on the 14th is like a sick compulsion. So I don't think too badly of someone who is mum, unless they're trying to convince someone of forever.

I don't need to know that he wants to be with me forever, but it'd be nice to know that he wants to be with me now

He is showing you by being with you. Period. He wouldn't spend time with you if he didn't want to. Now, he is not good at the demonstrations of affection you want, but they may not means the same thing to him as to you. He also doesn't see you as much as you want, but he is hella busy.

He does not want the level of relationship you want right now, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want a relationship with you. Now, you may be thinking you want a more demonstrative, more-time-spending guy, and that's cool, but he isn't able to do that right now. If you have to have your level of commitment matched, then you may need to stop seeing him. If you really like spending time with him on a more laid-back schedule, then you can choose to do that, too. I think you have to either accept him where he's at right now or stop being with him--asking him to be at the same place as you isn't going to work.

I mentioned the PMS, right?

Scrappy, I know all that (but don't mind the reminder). Sometimes I'm okay with it. Sometimes I'm not. Tonight, I'm not. Tonight I'm feeling like I do my best not to ask for anything at all, and I'm still somehow scaring him off. I know many people, especially guys, don't like to talk about their feelings, but the fact that he tends to pull away instead of having a simple conversation makes me wonder how it would be if we ever were in an actual relationship. I don't care that he's busy, I do wish I had some inkling that he'd like to spend more time with me than he can, that he thinks about me occasionally, something.

ita !, thanks for chiming in. Hearing your perspective helps.

I'm just gonna watch Labyrinth, take half a Xanax, and go to bed early. Not necessarily in that order.

{{smonster}}

it's totally fake, but one day I want a romantic Valentine's. Not only has that never worked out, I used to believe February was cursed.(I feel better about that, but still...)

This boy is too much like me for his own good.

You turned out okay.

You know, smonster, any one of us would be pleased to be your Valentine.

I understand the angst and by god I am so seriously glad to just not be unhappy in a relationship this year. Last year V-day was so fraught with complication! We really needed to break up and he gave me an iPad. It was such a weird weekend in Boston - one day so cosy on the couch watching "Let Me In" and the next day tearing the meniscus in my right knee while we were walking to dinner (and him voicing I was just being lazy and trying to get out of walking....). Yeah, it was so complicated and messy and weird and sad.

And this year? Is awesome. We're friends, we have no expectations, and for Valentines I got a package from Powells bookshop. It's the autobiography of a famous boxing-trainer from South Philly. I laughed and laughed when I opened it.

it's totally fake, but one day I want a romantic Valentine's.

I am still goofily in love with my husband and yet? Can't remember the last time I had a romantic Valentines. Or if I ever had even one. My man, he loves me more than the world, but he really angsts over gifts and so consequently doesn't give them very often. For a few years it bummed me out, but no longer. I'd rather have him.

There are guys that like to talk about their feelings. Got one of those. But, when someone is mixed up or stressed, they can still come out all wrong. Sometimes it feels better not to say much.

Of course, I was at a wedding this weekend where I have full incidence in the bride and groom- they are going into this marriage with full and open hearts

Confidence silly iphone