Maria, my love, you would never judge any of us as harshly as you are judging yourself. You certainly didn't judge me so harshly when I stayed in a job I hated for EIGHT years, depressed and hating myself and dating someone who treated me terribly.
You can keep pushing yourself harder and harder, it's true. I don't know that it will silence the negative voices in your head more than temporarily.
Vulnerability isn't weakness. Self-compassion isn't self-pity. Beating yourself up isn't discipline. Grief isn't failure. Doubt isn't betrayal.
If none of this is what you need to hear, than feel free to tell me to shove it and please forgive me for sticking my foot in it. I love you very much and I want you to be happy, and it pains me to see you beating up on yourself like this.
Vicodin has such a happy effect on me. It doesn't make me loopy or sleepy. Just makes the world pleasant. So weird. Too bad it's not something I can take just because.
Vulnerability isn't weakness. Self-compassion isn't self-pity. Beating yourself up isn't discipline. Grief isn't failure. Doubt isn't betrayal.
That's some widely applicable good thinking, that is.
I should probably tattoo that on my face.
Unloveable, unwanted, and slightly worthless.
I have no idea who you're describing. This is not the Maria I know. As for bravery, my definition is fall down seven times, get up eight.
Seriously, I need that on a poster I can hang up to look at every day. Excellent words, smonster.
Vulnerability isn't weakness. Self-compassion isn't self-pity. Beating yourself up isn't discipline. Grief isn't failure. Doubt isn't betrayal.
So, so true. And (speaking from my own perspective), so much easier to believe on the behalf of other people than applying it to myself.
Yes, but on days like today it's tough. Fine, I go to the gym 5 days a week, but am I actually working to my full capacity each time? Yes, I'm uprooting my life and moving from the place I've spent the majority of my life, but am I pushing hard enough to get out of here as quickly as possible?
Unless you are a professional athlete so that your living and your team depend on you being at 100% all the time, just getting off your butt is a win. Modest amounts of exercise done consistently are of value to your health. As for going full throttle in other areas of your life, it seems to me that no engine can sustain running redline indefinitely. You sound like you are feeling stuck, like you are getting ready to gnaw a limb off to get out of some trap. But if the trap is your expectations of our (or any other friends') expectations of you... I dunno... It just seems like a recursion loop, or a Chinese finger trap.
Sometimes drugs just make you not care that you hurt.
Or make the pain really fun.
After taking a second dose, I'm feeling a bit better.
