I could see how that could happen. But also why it usually doesn't. If that makes sense.

It isn't that I am better, but being with Matt makes me want to be my best. It doesn't mean I am - just that I want to hit best I can be more often.

I can't say that I've changed in any dramatic way - I think I am more me. more aggressive, clearer communicator ( not better) , more patient, more generous,and more expressive emotionally ( I am still mosty a new englander)

It is hard to tell what comes under compromise. some money issues, television is another ( he doesn't watch much), and daily schedule. but stuff that might have been a compromise in the begining isn't now.

Yeah, a relationship will change you.

So if it doesn't change you, it wasn't a relationship?

We are always changing and growing (hopefully). Our environment is going to have an impact on our growth and the person that we are in a relationship with is a whole lot of our environment.

It isn't that I am better, but being with Matt makes me want to be my best. It doesn't mean I am - just that I want to hit best I can be more often.

Exactly. (sed s/Matt/Beth/gc)

Compromise is an odd word, and in thinking about it, I find that I dislike it because it's too often used to end a discussion. I tend to prefer terms like 'healthy accommodations' and 'unhealthy accommodations,' because they almost require talking about the specifics of the situation and how it will work out over time. In current use, the word 'compromise' carries a connotation of a treaty, an ending, and somehow, once settled to some level of general discomfort for everyone, everyone's supposed to be good with it. Sometimes, that's just not how things work....you accommodate now and revisit later.

Much love, bonny! I'm so sorry that this continues to be a terrible ordeal for you and Bartleby. Thanks for checking in.

I'll contend that the one relationship I've had had no real impact on my growth as a person. So I'm wondering if you or Scrappy would call it a relationship then.

I wouldn't say that being with Hubby makes me want to be my best. I'm not aware of ever consciously considering it. But I will say that he's made me both braver and more cowardly, in that he's pushed me into doing things I didn't want to but I needed to, while at the same time I haven't done things because they would take me too far away from him.

I like to think that when the time comes I'll be able to stand on my own two feet, without him to hide behind/lean on, but at the moment, he is my (slightly crumbly) rock.

So if it doesn't change you, it wasn't a relationship?

I think you might be putting too much moral claim on the word "change" here. Or at least for myself, I think that not all relationships change a person. The ones that have changed me, well often that's another way of saying my life moved in a new direction because of that person. I think friendships can be as richly transformative as romantic relationships. It's like that song in "Wicked" about friendships, "I can't say if I've changed for the better, but I've been changed for good."

Dear beloved boss: I know it's not your fault the goalposts keep moving, but I may lose my shit soon. Too. Much. To. Do.

Dear resigning coworker who gets off on being an abrasive arrogant hipster asshole: leave faster.