but when I didn't even know about her but they were "best buds," I get a little aggravated. I was his fucking wife. And there was so much that was kept from me.

I don't know that that's really true. A lot of times after we lose someone, we romanticize our relationship with them. Also, she may have considered him her "best bud", but that doesn't mean that he felt the same way.

People were drawn to Rob, even if they didn't really want to be. It couldn't be helped. And he sometimes used that to his advantage.

Well, maybe it was because I heard about the bad stuff when you were venting, but I didn't find him particularly magnetic. He was nice, but in my mind, he was "Maria's husband", not someone that I was interested in getting to know.

Love you, Maria. That's all. You're in my thoughts so often.

sj, I think you have to be clear with T that if she doesn't check in, you worry. Give her a clear opportunity to change the behavior.

Amy, you're right, and I will.

Maria, I agree with what others said, that post sounds like a person that is trying to make your husband's death all about her than someone that actually knew him well. I'm sorry she upset you.

I'm sure you're at work, sorella, but insent.

Much love, sympathy and compassion to you, love...

I got allergic to my eyedrops too, once, Strix. Spent six months wanting to scratch my face off. Maria, I don't know what to say, but I bet Facebook chick exaggerates a lot...

Maria, what everyone else said, plus: here, we remember not just his death, but how you felt about him before that, and all the shit he put you through. No judgement if. You want to rant or move on or whatever you want to do!!

Maria, dear, seconding, thirding, fourthing everyone else. No judgment at all. It was your lived experience and it is your lived grief, in all its complication and anger. We don't have more than hints and shadows of what it's taken for you to live through it this far; we've no right to judge, and we would never want to. This is an utterly safe space for you to vent (it sounds like FB is very much not, but we are very much not FB).

Also, it is my considered opinion that Katie is an attention-whoring dipshit and I roll all my eyes at her.

Maria, I think the post is tacky and you're not in the wrong for having bad feelings about it.

Strix I'm glad you are feeling better.

Maria, what Cass said.

And what everyone else said.

What gets me is that I felt I was so desperate to be loved that he was my only chance at that. And I stuck around because I didn't think I'd be able to find anyone else.

You only had one side of the story. He wasn't a bad person, but it took me too long to realize that he wasn't the right person for me. I miss him, I still love him, and I wish he was here, but I don't miss what our relationship was at the end.

I miss the shared-ness of life together. I miss how we were at the beginning, And I want that back. I can be alone, but I don't want to be. I'm just happier when the burden is shared with a significant other. But the next one will be very different.