Maria, dear, seconding, thirding, fourthing everyone else. No judgment at all. It was your lived experience and it is your lived grief, in all its complication and anger. We don't have more than hints and shadows of what it's taken for you to live through it this far; we've no right to judge, and we would never want to. This is an utterly safe space for you to vent (it sounds like FB is very much not, but we are very much not FB).

Also, it is my considered opinion that Katie is an attention-whoring dipshit and I roll all my eyes at her.

Maria, I think the post is tacky and you're not in the wrong for having bad feelings about it.

Strix I'm glad you are feeling better.

Maria, what Cass said.

And what everyone else said.

What gets me is that I felt I was so desperate to be loved that he was my only chance at that. And I stuck around because I didn't think I'd be able to find anyone else.

You only had one side of the story. He wasn't a bad person, but it took me too long to realize that he wasn't the right person for me. I miss him, I still love him, and I wish he was here, but I don't miss what our relationship was at the end.

I miss the shared-ness of life together. I miss how we were at the beginning, And I want that back. I can be alone, but I don't want to be. I'm just happier when the burden is shared with a significant other. But the next one will be very different.

I often contemplate what life will be like when the odds finally catch up with Hubby and I'm on my own. I think it will be the ongoing conversation, with all the inside jokes and references, that I will miss the most.

Maria, I'm sorry for the grief. If it would help, I could take you out for ... martinis? chocolate? chocolate martinis?

You stuck with him when things got bad. Any number of people would have bailed when the going go tough. Now you're feeling what you're feeling - you'll heal at your own pace. We're with you and I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd offer a shoulder or anything else you need.

And, in completely unrelated news, there's this from Florida.

Maria, forgive me for asking either the completely obvious or the totally unhelpful, but have you looked into therapy at all? I ask because it's been very helpful for M after his brother's death. The first guy he went to, a grief counselor, was fine; he saw him for a few months, then felt like he didn't need him anymore. But later he was still having a lot of trouble dealing with things surrounding his brother's death, and finally decided to look for another therapist -- not someone who specializes in grief, just a regular therapist. He's been going for maybe six months and it has been SO good for him.

Anyway, it sounds like you could use another person to talk to, face to face, and a therapist might be a good thing to try. I hope you will *always* know that this board is your safe space, but it could help to have another way/place to talk about all this.

Health ~ma to everyone who needs it including Sail's friend, Jensen's Mother. Continued recover ma to Strix, and e-hugs to Maria, along with endorsements o what everyone said here. You are always welcome to post here, and use it as a safe space. You have a right to your feelings and they are a reasonable reaction to the circumstances. And yeah, the post was tacky and there is nothing wrong with you for having noticed that.

You only had one side of the story.

I always knew that. And it's not an unbiased way to know a relationship from one side of it. But you were honest and you never claimed that it was any story but your own. His might have been different. Would have been. But I think you were always very honest even when your feelings were conflicted, confusing or changed.

I often contemplate what life will be like when the odds finally catch up with Hubby and I'm on my own. I think it will be the ongoing conversation

I think so. Not that odds always work out the way we think they will. But I know what my Stepmom misses most is talking to my Dad. And he's still physically here but incapable of those kinds of conversation. It's what I miss too. But they had them nearly every day. I think it must be so hard for her.

Florida will never stop boggling me.