I haven't gotten a flu shot but I think I'll be okay. I'm not in a high risk group...no kids, no office, rarely outside these days, etc.

I'm off to the podiatrist in a half hour. Please, PTB, let him have the answer that will safely, cheaply and non-invasively cure my condition so it never comes back again!

Strix, darlin', I'm glad to see you back in the swing...if not actually swinging. A friend had the flu/pinkeye combo and was just miserable. I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Job, indeed. May your 2013 be all owls and gentle experiences from here.

sj, everyone else has said what I would have, so I won't go too deeply into it. You have plenty to deal with in your life and, if I know anything about people who need the sorts of things your friend needs, I'm pretty sure she would find someone else to meet those needs if you decide to let her go. Nature really does abhor a vacuum.

Maria, I can relate to hoping people will not see you differently when you share your darkest...but the people who fall away, do so for a reason. The folks here...well, I'm just grateful that you have this community.

Plus, I am TOTALLY on board with Steph's interpretation of Katie's missive. Could not agree more. Nailed it in one. That, of course, won't necessarily make it feel better to you, I know.

A couple of years ago, a 'pillar' of my community died in a weird way, leaving behind 5 boys under the age of 12 and his entrepreneur wife. Sure, he was a fun guy in public. Big social driver, had kids hanging off him all the time (literally, the last time I saw him, he had 3 kids dangling from his neck and shoulders), and seemed totally affable. Turns out, he was a real prick to his family, and ruthless in his business dealings (in a bad way) but you'd never hear a bad word about him.

His poor wife, who is extremely hard working (carried him, MAJOR) and not particularly likeable, finally popped a bit more than a year after he died and began telling the truth of his behavior. Lots of people talked behind their hands, but I really respected her for taking care of herself. It must have KILLED her to have to listen to his deification over and over again.

I hope you find whatever peace is available to your heart, whenever it will come. In the meanwhile, at least take your ease here.

Intellectually, I know that her post is more about her than him, but on every other level, I am all Hulk smash about it. People were drawn to Rob, even if they didn't really want to be. It couldn't be helped. And he sometimes used that to his advantage.

Ugh. I want all of this over and done with. I'm tired of expending so much mental and emotional energy just to tread water.

Thanks, all. I can't tell you how much it means.

Strix, I hope you feel better soon.

{{{Strix}}} How awful for you. I'm so sorry that you have been so sick for so long. I hate that for so many of us getting sick like that also means an exacerbation in depression. Take good care of yourself, and let us know if you need anything.

Thanks for the support, everyone. I feel like I have given the wrong impression of T in all of this. She is not the high drama or damaged type at all. What she usually is is the stoic type who lets her insides be eaten up with anxiety until she can't take it anymore, then she calls me and it all comes out. And no, if I weren't available, she would not find someone else to vent to, part of the problem I have been encouraging her to try to fix is she hasn't made friends of her own since her move, and I'm the only person she really stays in strong contact with here. So, I am it, other than her family, who she will only share so much with. The problem with her not calling to check back in with me or really checking in with me on a more regular basis, is that she tends toward the selfish side. She probably has no clue that I would still be worried about her the next day.

but when I didn't even know about her but they were "best buds," I get a little aggravated. I was his fucking wife. And there was so much that was kept from me.

I don't know that that's really true. A lot of times after we lose someone, we romanticize our relationship with them. Also, she may have considered him her "best bud", but that doesn't mean that he felt the same way.

People were drawn to Rob, even if they didn't really want to be. It couldn't be helped. And he sometimes used that to his advantage.

Well, maybe it was because I heard about the bad stuff when you were venting, but I didn't find him particularly magnetic. He was nice, but in my mind, he was "Maria's husband", not someone that I was interested in getting to know.

Love you, Maria. That's all. You're in my thoughts so often.

sj, I think you have to be clear with T that if she doesn't check in, you worry. Give her a clear opportunity to change the behavior.

Amy, you're right, and I will.

Maria, I agree with what others said, that post sounds like a person that is trying to make your husband's death all about her than someone that actually knew him well. I'm sorry she upset you.

I'm sure you're at work, sorella, but insent.

Much love, sympathy and compassion to you, love...

I got allergic to my eyedrops too, once, Strix. Spent six months wanting to scratch my face off. Maria, I don't know what to say, but I bet Facebook chick exaggerates a lot...

Maria, what everyone else said, plus: here, we remember not just his death, but how you felt about him before that, and all the shit he put you through. No judgement if. You want to rant or move on or whatever you want to do!!

Maria, dear, seconding, thirding, fourthing everyone else. No judgment at all. It was your lived experience and it is your lived grief, in all its complication and anger. We don't have more than hints and shadows of what it's taken for you to live through it this far; we've no right to judge, and we would never want to. This is an utterly safe space for you to vent (it sounds like FB is very much not, but we are very much not FB).

Also, it is my considered opinion that Katie is an attention-whoring dipshit and I roll all my eyes at her.