Laura, she maybe a hoarder or she may just have let things get to the point where it's too overwhelming to deal with.
Even though she is smart and capable in other areas she still may be a hoarder. I haven't watched the more recent episodes of the show but in several of the earlier Hoarders episodes there were people who had good jobs and were able to handle work and other activities.
I would suggest you watch how she reacts to your suggestion of help. If she does accept it then pay attention to how she's acting during the decluttering/clean out portion. If she can't get rid of things or is reluctant then she might be a hoarder and need help.
omnis I'm sorry this is turning into more of a nightmare. You would think that people would understand having a HOLE in your living room is very inconvenient and needs to get fixed asap.
So I have my appointment with my shrink today and I'm anxious/worried. Some of it I know is irrational but some of it I think is more rational. Right now I feel like I'm in a big countdown until 5:30 and I'm trying to chase away the thoughts that Dr. W will not change any medicine and say that I'm doing fine and I just need to suck it up and deal. (I know that's irrational but that's what's going through my head).
Laura, you might want to read
Buried in Treasures
[link] which is aimed at the hoarder, and
Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things
[link] which is mostly case studies in treating hoarders.
Stuff
talks about how the worst thing you can do is clear out all the stuff without working with the hoarder. The hoarders either completely fall apart or they hoard even more. The things are comforting to them in some way. In a lot of cases, the people treating the hoarders gradually got people to reduce hoarding by agreeing to a class of things that could be thrown away, like take-out containers.
I believe it is part being really busy, part physical limitation because she had a knee replacement a while back, part just being overwhelmed since it got so out of hand.
Ugh. My father is veering on the squalor issue. It's not hoarding, though he does have just a ton of junk lying around creating clutter. But he's never been terribly alert to his surroundings, and has a huge tolerance for leaning towers of mail, etc. Plus he cooks lots of fatty stuff and smokes, so everything gets so grimy and gross. And now as he's older and eyesight not so great, he just doesn't see how gross it's gotten.
He's the kind who I think you totally could go in while he was away and deep clean and it wouldn't bother him a bit. I did that last xmas, and with some things like dishpans and washclothes and stuff just tossed the old and replaced them. He's not attached to the junk and mess, he just doesn't even
see
it.
ETA: it would totally start to get dirty again eventually, and he'd start saving up take out containers and crap as usual. But at least the starting point would be better.
My house is at the point that I would be embarrassed to have someone come in and clean. It's partially pure slovenliness and the fact that my dishwasher is broken. The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better). An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over. The dog hair seems to be gradually gathering itself into a whole new dog. I hope I won't have to housebreak it.
An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over.
Don't I know it. One of the nice things about the recent move, is the tub has shower curtain, instead of sliding glass door. Leaning on a tub with door tracks is HUGE incentive for not cleaning. IJS. Thankfully, don't have that problem anymore. Unfortunetly, I don't have that excuse anymore either!
I really appreciate the links and am going to do some homework. I don't want to do more harm than good here.
It is surely a combination of factors. (don't call me shirley) She broke an ankle one year and a couple years later had the knee replacement, and she is getting older and larger making physical stuff a challenge.
My mother said she was going to try guilting her into it by mentioning how she gets invited and goes to other people's houses all the time and should be able to return the invite. I told her I thought a more direct approach was needed at this point.
I'm going to walk over there later today and see how she responds to my offer to help. Fiercely strong and independent so it is tricky.
Laura,
in addition to the wonderful things others have posted, is the house too much for her? Maybe she needs another, smaller home which is easier to manuever? Turn your mother's house into a summer/vacation home?
