Laura,
in addition to the wonderful things others have posted, is the house too much for her? Maybe she needs another, smaller home which is easier to manuever? Turn your mother's house into a summer/vacation home?
Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth?
Buffy ,'Touched'
Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
le nubian - Sep 04, 2012 8:24:50 am PDT #19763 of 30001
"And to be clear, I am the hell. And the high water."
brenda m - Sep 04, 2012 8:28:26 am PDT #19764 of 30001
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better).
I'm sure this is part of the issue with my dad, too. Between knee problems, hand strength and coordination issues, and just general age, it's not that easy for him to do much anyway.
omnis_audis - Sep 04, 2012 8:51:10 am PDT #19765 of 30001
omnis, pursue. That's an order from a shy woman who can use M-16. - Shir
The guilt thing backfires. At least it did with my mom. As does the yelling. Helpful hands is the best idea moving forward, especially if it's not a horde issue, but ability/energy to clean issue.
Laura - Sep 04, 2012 9:27:58 am PDT #19766 of 30001
Our wings are not tired.
The house has a long family history. It was a small vacation place and my dad winterized it and expanded it. After my parents moved to Florida they house swapped with my sister and her family because she had kids and was a year round resident. My mom and step-dad are in her old house. After a partial roof collapse from ice my sister expanded it more. Now it is a large 5 bedroom house on the lake with full basement. My mom, my nephew and his family, and I also have houses here, not on the lake. In the past few decades my sister lost her husband and one of her sons and the other son married and moved into his wife's house.
Yes, the house is way more than she can handle and her son does help with snow plowing and repairs and such. No, she will never move out. The house will go to her son at some point. The rest of the siblings visit, but none of us live here.
I gave her the head's up that I was headed to her house after work. She came to my house and boxed up all my late DH's stuff after he died, frankly before I was ready. She did a bunch of rearranging at my other sister's house to clear her clutter just this last winter! It is fine and well for her to boss us around in her big sister role. I'll ask her how I can help to deal with the house later and see how she reacts. girds loins
beth b - Sep 04, 2012 9:30:20 am PDT #19767 of 30001
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!
Things are better then they have been at my house. Energy levels have a lot to do with things. For me the 15 minutes at a time works really well. I have my am routine - plus 15 minutes of something else.
of course, I recently realize d that I have been going out too much. I need more recharge time at home. and I am not sure how that is going to happen , because I like going out and hate to miss things. But I also noticed that when I am tired - the first thing that goes is the house. And the messy house adds to the stress....
Anyway, I hope that the problem is energy for you sister, laura
hippocampus - Sep 04, 2012 9:49:12 am PDT #19768 of 30001
not your mom's socks.
We just cut HPF's hair for the first time in five years. She's sitting in the chair, delighted. I'm a little sniffly.
Laura - Sep 04, 2012 10:16:00 am PDT #19769 of 30001
Our wings are not tired.
I used to go years between cuts. It is such a wild and free feeling when you lose the locks!
DavidS - Sep 04, 2012 11:32:39 am PDT #19770 of 30001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
HPF looks pretty excited in the FB pictures.
Cass - Sep 04, 2012 2:05:14 pm PDT #19771 of 30001
Bob's learned to live with tragedy, but he knows that this tragedy is one that won't ever leave him or get better.
I hope it goes well, Laura. Sounds difficult but also like she might be willing to listen.
Well, from now on, for any trip longer than 24 hours I will get a petsitter to reassure Percy he hasn't been entirely abandoned. He's the calmest cat ever when I'm home. When I'm gone I suspect he just hides.
Yeah, it was a definite change for me but it is what works with Puppycat so I just need to accept it.
Nora Deirdre - Sep 04, 2012 2:10:08 pm PDT #19772 of 30001
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
Laura, my mother is not a hoarder, but she has had huge difficulties over the last 10 years or so cleaning and keeping up with the accumulation of crap. It's like a perpetual shame cycle, the worse it gets, the less able she is to deal with it, and the less able she can manage it, the worse it gets.
I spent some time telling her that what is going on is not something she needs to be ashamed of, that there are professionals that can help and no one will judge her. I got her hooked up with a professional organizer (found through the Professional Society of Professional Organizers or some such) and they've spent some time building a trusting relationship and it's a process that takes some time, but it's happening. This is her site, it gives you an idea of the scope of professional attributes to deal with these kinds of issues. [link]