I believe it is part being really busy, part physical limitation because she had a knee replacement a while back, part just being overwhelmed since it got so out of hand.

Ugh. My father is veering on the squalor issue. It's not hoarding, though he does have just a ton of junk lying around creating clutter. But he's never been terribly alert to his surroundings, and has a huge tolerance for leaning towers of mail, etc. Plus he cooks lots of fatty stuff and smokes, so everything gets so grimy and gross. And now as he's older and eyesight not so great, he just doesn't see how gross it's gotten.

He's the kind who I think you totally could go in while he was away and deep clean and it wouldn't bother him a bit. I did that last xmas, and with some things like dishpans and washclothes and stuff just tossed the old and replaced them. He's not attached to the junk and mess, he just doesn't even see it.

ETA: it would totally start to get dirty again eventually, and he'd start saving up take out containers and crap as usual. But at least the starting point would be better.

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My house is at the point that I would be embarrassed to have someone come in and clean. It's partially pure slovenliness and the fact that my dishwasher is broken. The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better). An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over. The dog hair seems to be gradually gathering itself into a whole new dog. I hope I won't have to housebreak it.

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An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over.

Don't I know it. One of the nice things about the recent move, is the tub has shower curtain, instead of sliding glass door. Leaning on a tub with door tracks is HUGE incentive for not cleaning. IJS. Thankfully, don't have that problem anymore. Unfortunetly, I don't have that excuse anymore either!

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I really appreciate the links and am going to do some homework. I don't want to do more harm than good here.

It is surely a combination of factors. (don't call me shirley) She broke an ankle one year and a couple years later had the knee replacement, and she is getting older and larger making physical stuff a challenge.

My mother said she was going to try guilting her into it by mentioning how she gets invited and goes to other people's houses all the time and should be able to return the invite. I told her I thought a more direct approach was needed at this point.

I'm going to walk over there later today and see how she responds to my offer to help. Fiercely strong and independent so it is tricky.

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Laura,

in addition to the wonderful things others have posted, is the house too much for her? Maybe she needs another, smaller home which is easier to manuever? Turn your mother's house into a summer/vacation home?

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The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better).

I'm sure this is part of the issue with my dad, too. Between knee problems, hand strength and coordination issues, and just general age, it's not that easy for him to do much anyway.

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The guilt thing backfires. At least it did with my mom. As does the yelling. Helpful hands is the best idea moving forward, especially if it's not a horde issue, but ability/energy to clean issue.

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The house has a long family history. It was a small vacation place and my dad winterized it and expanded it. After my parents moved to Florida they house swapped with my sister and her family because she had kids and was a year round resident. My mom and step-dad are in her old house. After a partial roof collapse from ice my sister expanded it more. Now it is a large 5 bedroom house on the lake with full basement. My mom, my nephew and his family, and I also have houses here, not on the lake. In the past few decades my sister lost her husband and one of her sons and the other son married and moved into his wife's house.

Yes, the house is way more than she can handle and her son does help with snow plowing and repairs and such. No, she will never move out. The house will go to her son at some point. The rest of the siblings visit, but none of us live here.

I gave her the head's up that I was headed to her house after work. She came to my house and boxed up all my late DH's stuff after he died, frankly before I was ready. She did a bunch of rearranging at my other sister's house to clear her clutter just this last winter! It is fine and well for her to boss us around in her big sister role. I'll ask her how I can help to deal with the house later and see how she reacts. girds loins

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Things are better then they have been at my house. Energy levels have a lot to do with things. For me the 15 minutes at a time works really well. I have my am routine - plus 15 minutes of something else.

of course, I recently realize d that I have been going out too much. I need more recharge time at home. and I am not sure how that is going to happen , because I like going out and hate to miss things. But I also noticed that when I am tired - the first thing that goes is the house. And the messy house adds to the stress....

Anyway, I hope that the problem is energy for you sister, laura

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We just cut HPF's hair for the first time in five years. She's sitting in the chair, delighted. I'm a little sniffly.

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